I feel so small, so small...

For a moment, i feel so small, so small. No matter how i explain to others why i felt this way, they seems not to get my point and my thoughts.

It is true, i feel very mintues, very insignificant and useless. It is like there is always someone out there to beat me in any thing that i'm specialised and quite good at...

I'm specialised in piano music, grade 6, and there is someone out there to thrash me in this area of performing arts. Making me feeling so useless, spending so much time and effort yet been thrash by a person who just picked this up for a year.

Then, i took up violin and cello. Sigh, soemone else plays better than i do. Scored better than me. Again, all my efforts and heartworks seems not to be paid off.

OK, i gave up performing arts. I took up sports. Learn all i can in tennis and badminton, yet loses in the matches i played in. It is not that i did not out in any effort, but it seems to me that i'm alwaysat the losing end.

Then, i told myself, well, maybe sports and arts may not be my forte, so i took up a new language. But, it is like i'm still lose out to people.

Last resort, i took back my affinity, physics. But, just causal conversation in my office to others makes me feel that i'm not cut out or qualified to call myself good at this subject.

What's worst? My general knowledge is not as good as others too..

It makes me so insignificant and so unimportant in the society. With or without me, it is feels the same. So same as before, goats still eat grass, pigs don't fly, tigers can't climb trees.

---------------------------------

I met her in Jack's place, she works there as waitress. My heart and soul seems to vanish into thin air. But, i not fit to chase after her. I seems not cut out to be a good boyfriend. Not capable in anyway (see above). What can i provide her?

Sweet-talk? I'm not able to do that.
Give her more time and attention? I'm engross with all my works and research.
Money? I'm poor man, mind you.

So this is holding me back to go for her.

But, it makes my heart pain whenever i see her, think of her.
I went back to Jack's place yesterday. She is not there.

------------------------------------------------

With or without me, the world still spins and turn. So i seems to be so insiginificant.