Forget? Forgot? Forgotten? Or is it couldn't remember?

Flashbacks, flashbacks and flashbacks.

The times where most of us were preparing for examinations, the times where we all got screwed for nothing at all, the times where i was stressed up by the driving test, the times where i got back my Pink IC, the times where i teared upon knowing the i'm posting out, the times where all brothers sat down and eat together, the times where.. , the times where...

Yup, it might be a fact that i have highlighted alot of moments of life. But, still i seemed to be so small so small. Jealousy suddenly set in. Fatigue starts to roll in. Exhaustion starts to call shot. What have i actually achieved in life beside being a recitor of Newton's, Kirchoff's and great scientist's theories? I guess nothing.

Initially, i thought that being quite good in studies would place me in front of the society, but the thought was being shot off when i took 'vacation leave' from the Education sector. So what so are you being a good recitor of 3 laws of motion, thermodynamics and gravitaiton law? That does not mean i'm intelligent nor does it show that i'm clever. It only show that i'm a dead memorise-r of laws and theories.

Then being well-versed in many sports does not show that i'm a good sportsman either. It erupts jealousy, frustration and disappointment. Fears arise when rejection occurs too frequently. Dropping of favourite sports seems to be the one and only choice left when no one wants to accompany you. Skills detoriate as time pass.

Music? The fire of passion extinguishes when circumstances forbade you to do whatever you wish to. Being strapped tightly down to the ground where your freedom is at stake, you loses all hopes and all passion. The love and interest is there, still there waving but the energy they possess seems to be lost as something else. When people around you does not reach the same wave speed and wavelength as you, you have no choice but to give them up just to make sure that boredom don't set in when topics of conversation are at your advantage.

Things that i can be proud and that used to bring me satisfaction, are now bringing in tons of disappointment and disillusion. Hope is frail and nothing seems to get into the way i thought it could be. So on what am i to talk about for achievement?

I do dream, i dreamt of the world i want to be in, i pinned and hope i would end there. BUt disappointment enlongate the path and erects barriers.

What can i talk about and be proud of actually?

Yesterday, one of my brothers asked me about the girl that i have talked about before, and starts to wonder why i don't want to sound her out?

I would cite what my one of my brothers mentioned before >> Can i promise that i'm able to give my commitments? Can i make sure that she would have good time with me? Am i bale to bring joys and happiness to her when she's with me? Am i able to give her the attention and patience? If you know me well, you would know what my answer is. On what ground do i fit to be with her? What do i have to fit her? I don't think i have any in the first place. And i'm not yet mature enough to handle this issue.

Pain would set in if i see her with someone else. But, i believe that seeing her with someone who can actually bring her happiness and satisfaction would make my day bright.

A guy like me, with nothing to be proud of, should shut up and sit one corner silently.
Drinking tea alone is really very lonely and depressing, but i guess i need the moment to get myself up again.

Sighed