Well, NEW YEAR?
Haha, don't know why. The Chinese New Year Celebration for me seems to be incomplete for me. I have thought through the whole night and finally got an answer. It maybe due to loneliness. This year i'm back to single again. Well, so new year is not that packed as compared to last year. Sigh, maybe due to that i'm sad. Starts to think of her again.
Well, met her during my part-time two year ago.. (about december 2003)
She's not that pretty though, but, i clicked with her alot. Both of us love classical music, love grazing the stars and sea, love watching the sunset and sunrise, love to study, love planting, love watching shows that are meaningful, love to play tennis and badminton, love to make more friends and most importantly, love each other. She's able to make me talk and feel relax.
Most importantly, we both have the same ambition---- If can, be a teacher, if not, why not be a musician! Haha....
But, happy times din't last. She was forced to study in the US and she left me around June. We nearly break off during that time, as i don't believe in long-distance relationship and didn't want her to worry about me during her study at such a far place. (but thanks to Lawerence, i manage to keep the relationship going)
I supported her, send her off, Call her every three days, e-mail to her. Well, she did her part too. She came back monthly to spent the 24 hours with me, share her problems with me, hug me tightly. This went on till about november.
She told me that she's very busy with her schedule, she's very stress, she has no time to talk about BGR right now... Then, i told her, it's okay. Don't bother with me too much, study more important. And, i thought everything will be fine till....
December 27.
She came back to celebrate my birthday, her birthday and 1st year anniversary.
She appears to be very solemn.
And when i picked her up from the airport, she starts to tell me this...
Dear, lately i have been neglecting you, i feel very sad and guilty. I don't know what to do to make up for you. And i don't think i can make it up for you either... I have think about it for very long time... Since you are busy with your training in army and i have to brush up my studies in US and cannot divert my focus to anywhere for the next 3 years... I think we should make our lovely relatioship to a stop. I can't possess you yet neglecting you. Sorry...
Well, since she says it this way, i cannot say anything. But to hug her and say this and walk off from her without turning back..
Dear, no matter what you did or say, i just want to thank you for giving me such a nice time this one whole year. I thank you for loving me and spending your precious time with me during these few months when you are busy with your studies.. Though we'll stop our relationship from today onwards, i'll remember the time we have spent watching countless sunsets and stars, planting roses, visitng esplande and victoria concert halls, sitting at the beach and talk about everything we have and watching movies that we laugh and cry togehter. Though we can't carry on from today onwards, please rememebr that i'm always by your side. Please remember that you'll have my support and encouragement. Thank you and i shan't be your diary from today onwards.
From there, i'm back to single and to where i'm at now.... Well, missed the times with her.. But, what to do? Sigh, i don't know where and when would i be able to find such a girl again.
PS: Grace, if you are looking at this, i'm fine, don't worry about me... Study hard, any problem fell free to approach me...
posted by HeNG at 1:37 AM
1 Comments:
Sometimes i really dun understand why when 2 person are in love, they think too much for each other... It is normal.. Yes, i agree. You love her so much and so does she. What i dun understand is why the 2 of you are giving up the relationship so easily.. I know conditions are not favourable for both.. Perhaps im too idealistic or what.. but i seriously think that as long as both parties want to be together for a long time or forever, they will unite in some ways and they would have the strength to fight and achieve what they want.. I can feel exactly how you felt for i gave up my ex because i cared too much for him and because i didnt want him to be too stressed.. When i initiated break-up, I wanted him to feel less stressed and less burdened.. I was devasted as i didnt want to breakup with him but... circumstances part us... After the break-up, I was waiting for him to say, "Let's patch up." I was waiting... even when other guys are interested in me and though i went out with them, they are still only friends to me and i rejected them im the end.. Because i was still waiting for him then... WAiting for him to say, "Can we be together again?" If he had said that, I would have been with him.. regardless... There are many things that ive regretted not doing or said to him.. And i seriously hope that you two would be able to be together again.. Tragedy does happen, true, but one can choose whether they want a tragedy oy happy ending. The choice are in your hands! Be strong, my friend! :) Dun let go of someone whom you really love so much, dun try to be noble to give on the one you love to others otherwise you would end up in a state like me in the past. Cherish everything that you had, has and will have.. Cheers!
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