So what is it now?

I always like the idea of sitting under the sky, facing a pond and having a few brothers around to have a relaxing and nice chatting session, that is, to talk about anything under the sky and above the moon.

Conversation do let you understand people more, or maybe in the negative direction. Changes are sometimes inevitable and sudden. For that, it makes me having to re-understand some of my brothers and to re-understand my own thinking. Yes, it seems stupid to do that. But it somehow seems necessary to do that. (If you what i mean!)

Well, it is like any other typical monday that i had. Morning went for my tennis match, afternoon just sit by the computer and thinking how to finish all sort of rubbish. In the evening? Well, went for my cello grading. Yes, i did pass, but quite badly. Thanks to the songpiece given to me. It is completely new to me and never heard before. The tempo setted is also very strange. So, the songpiece is weird, the tempo is strange and that's why i got a pass instead of what is being predicted of me. So, from there, i headed back Yishun to have my dinner at the all time favourite prata shop. (Just cannot image that i have 4 days of my dinners out of the past days there!)

So what's next?

I don't know. Simply has my sense of direction blurred again. Yes, i do have great dreams and plans. If you ask me which phrase i'm in now. Well, i'm in phrase 1.5 of 10. Yes, slow indeed. Who cares. Even when you feel like changing, you would also take quite some time to do that. So why can't me?

At times, i thought of putting all my work and my schedule aside and go for a holiday, perhaps N.Thailand, around K town. A place where you will get near to rural life. Yes, i may not be able to adapt to it cos i've been pampered since young; all facilities are within reach. But, it is not as if i'm going to stay there permanently. I just want to be there, to be in the nature and to enjoy the slow pace of living there. What's more, you get to see those wonderful stars at night. That's a dream, a dream that seems hard to acheive at times.

Yup, it is drizzling outside, i just got back home after a run from sumi and da's area. It was cooling and drizzling, for the wind would blow across your face gently. At that moment, you would simply refused to move on and just stand there, out in the open to enjoy the soft-touch of the wind. But, such moment do not last long, tears from the sky washed off your desire, awake me up from my dreams and urge me to go home fast. Shattered my penny of thoughts and broke off my communication with the winds.

Flash-back is a techinque we bound to use, if not at least once, during our essay writing during Secondary School. But, somehow, it seems to be a skill that most of us have and would often use it from time to time. Honestly speaking, i'm using it now. I'm thinking of her, i'm thinking of all the things that i have done during my Sec Sch, i'm thinking of my long-lost friend. (Ok, by now if you still keep wondering why i'm always that emotional and somehow doing things that you don't get it, then i guess you have yet to read some other blogs of mine.) Flash-back is only two words. But, it often being used to summarise many moments of time in just a few words. Reasons? Well, sometimes, words are just not enough to describe the whole situation (or maybe i'm wrong, my vocabulary of words aren't large enough to do that?). Just for instance, if you want me to describe what did last night? 4 words! La-teh, talk talk! (But they just aren't ablee to convey the actual actions or even anything near it.)

I feel the weight of the world on my shoulder
As i'm getting older y'all people get colder
Most of us only cares about money making
Selfishness got us following in the wrong direction
Yup indeed, most of us have the basic ideas of what is a need and what is a want mixed up. Mixed up so badly that now there seems to be no one able to explain this.

What have we done to our next generation? What have the earlier generation done to us? They merely want a better living. But, it seems that the better standard of living brought in all other stuffs that are threatening and deafening. Cars started out to be a want, an additional thing that you would get after you settle your food and BASIC clothing, and also your BASIC shelter. Oh, did i emphasize anything about baisc? Yup, i did. Initially clothing was just a piece of cloth that cover your important areas. And soon it developed to many many things. Till now, wearing nice and branded seems to be a need than a want. So? Tell me, what have happened during the period of civilisation and industrial revolution?

Yea, you may start to wonder who is this idiot there talking about all sorts of rubbish here? well, that's me - XinG ZaI

Yes, i'm talking rubbish again.
But sometime what i talk about is true and some people would choose to avoid it and label me as ESCAPIST. Yup, i got used to this name and give up explaining.
I'm not there or yet to be capable enough to start explaining my thoughts, for my thoughts are a little stupid. But, after the tremour that i have went through a few years ago, i believed those are what i want. I'm no longer the good boy people used to see in secondary school. I'm not fit to be in the bill of good boy, neither bad too. I'm just an average plump idiot. Yup, that's me.

Ok, me and my nonsens again.
I think i should go and sleep.
NOw, it is still drizzling outside. I'm the only soul that is still awake in my house. The indians are down in the coffeeshop chatting and enjoying their wonderful new year.

soon, i have to be in the working mood again. Just got a letter from my mentor indicating that i should go for my grading. Well, yes, i'm also the member of the society who got mixed up what's a want and what's a need.
What to do?

Go and sleep lor.
Smile people. :) that's me. Ending my entry with a smile again.