Wednesday, September 17, 2008

好想回到过去

不知怎么了,今天的我竟然失去了平时冷静待事的手法。 我竟然发起了脾气, 说了一堆没经大脑的话。

霎时想找个人来听我倾诉我内心了不吐不快的牢骚却发现手机里竟没有个心中的知己。

我不要个能明白我的人,我只是想要一个能聆听我的人, 静静坐一旁听就好; 
     听我发牢骚,
     听我胡闹, 
     听我哭泣,
     听我,
     听我就好。
我不要任何安慰, 我不需要回复与建议,我只要一个能听我倾诉的人就好。


男人啊。。。
你的名字叫犯溅
溅在于眼泪不易清谈
溅在于不能乱发牢骚
溅在于内心的话只能往内放


十八果真是最光辉的时刻
 无忧无愁, 乐子逍遥
 起床是因为睡保了
 出门是因为太闷了
 读书是因为要毕业
 长大是因为要脱离小孩的无数约束
       想疯就去吧
       想欢狂就走吧
       饿了就吃吧
       累了就睡吧


过了二十一, 人生就是个囚
囚禁了你我的童真
囚禁了无忧欢乐
囚禁了人生的彩虹


我?仿佛是个没灵魂的躯体。 

人生若走到了尽头, 似乎也这样。 人生嘛,我不知。。。

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

总觉得自己很失败

不知怎么了,就不知不觉地觉得自己有那么的失败。
总以为事事都回顺其自然
总以为事事都会顺心
总以为。。。


总觉得自己的脾气十分差劲, 可为琐碎小事而大发雷霆。
不知何故了,就会不知不觉沉默了起来。
成天不想和任何人说话
成天不想和任何事有任何瓜葛
就是这样。。。


失望?好像不能形容我至今的感触
失败吧。。。




------------------------------------


I guess i'm really feeling bad and inbalance..
Chilling out? I guess i would want to sit by a coffeehouse and slack my day out..
I need that
I want that
I believe i will have that


Bu when?

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

I thought i would have got over it and start afresh..

I always thought i have closed the long chapter for good since 1 and a half year ago. But then, whenever i played the song 'Thank God I Found You', all the old memories just cannot help but float back in again.


What on earth is happening, actually?
Well, i always thought i have gotten over. I lost to you.

Sunday, March 02, 2008

Missing out

Missing someone... Don't know why

Saturday, February 09, 2008

Those old memories just re-appeared at the moment I saw the name..

Just when i thought that things might be forsaken off for sure, it just re-appeared out of the blue moon.

Indeed, it has been quite some time since this issue was brought to my attention again. Why again? Just when i thought that things would just go away for sure, it re-appeared this afternoon..

Sighed.. I just missed it..

Friday, December 28, 2007

Date: 28th December 2007

We were about to finish the Basic Section Leader Course then, and we happened to bump into each other on the stairways to assembly. I happened to call out ‘Yo’ and you turned back to ask me what was the matter (all because your surname is ‘Yeo’). That was the first instance we met and started a conversation. And that was more than 3 years ago.

13th December 2004: It was your 19th Birthday, and we all (including all our course-mates) were on an overseas exercise for 14 days. Knowing that it was your birthday then, I could do nothing else except to greet you ‘Happy Birthday’ and give a pat on your shoulder. That was the second time we talked.

28 December 2004: We were posted to the same unit after we came back from our overseas training. What’s more? We shared the same room. And well, that was the third time we talked and that’s how our friendship actually grew and strengthened.

CNY eve of Year 2005: We actually came out to Queensway Shopping Centre to shop for our New Year clothing. That marked the first time we came out for a gathering, and that was the first time we actually shared more of ourselves, dreams and family.

From there, our friendship blossomed and grew. From acquaintances, we became very good friends, and finally reached to the highest level of friendship – brotherhood and closet.

13 Dec 2005: Knowing that your birthday was around the corner, I sounded you out to see if you would report back camp on the very day before I decided what to do to celebrate your birthday. I purposely let you get out the room before me so that I could drop the presents on your bed before I locked the door and headed off for work. I didn’t know how you felt after seeing the gift when you opened the door and changed up to head home. But, I really hoped that you liked that.

Feb 2006: When we knew that I was about to post out to a new unit (to a new place), we decided to spend a week in camp (days and nights). We went to Chomp Chomp to have our dinner, followed by some wine introductions for you at Liquid Kitchen on Monday night. Then, we (together with Joshua gor gor) went to Sembawang Shopping Centre for dinner on Wednesday night. Lastly, both of us had our dinner together at Chong Pang Nasi Lemak on Friday night (the last day of work for me in that camp). I still remembered that the atmosphere was rather heavy and still during our dinner on Friday. When you were about to board bus 169 to head home at 8 p.m., tears just rolled down the cheeks uncontrollably. At that moment, I really wished that time would freeze off and framed at that instant. And only at that moment, I realized that our friendship has reached to the maximum level. I was very upset for the next few days. Though I know that we would always be able to meet up at some other time, the thought that I couldn’t see you on daily basis; the thought of not able to force you to drink at least 2 glasses of water on daily basis; the thought of losing a lunch buddy; the thought of not able to have fun everyday were too strong for me to think of anything. I was just simply upset to the next few weeks.

Jun 2006: Still remember that we (together with Benjamin) took a painting project from your mum at Dairy Farm Road? We spent almost a week painting the whole house with White, Lime Green and Pale Yellow. Though exhausting, we had a lot of fun and laughter at that time. I missed those good times.
27 Jul 2006: Because of some personal problems, you called me during late night and cried. And because of that, I was really frightened off by you. I remembered that I couldn’t sleep for the whole of last night. We came out the very next day. Though I knew that there was really something troubling you very badly, no questions were asked because I knew that you would tell me only if you really want to. Then, I really wished that the problems have been transferred to me.

1 Aug 2006: You came and tell me that you have a letter from NUS saying that you have been offered a place in Engineering. You came and asked me whether it will be good for you to come over to NUS instead NTU. I told you I couldn’t decide for you because my answer would definitely be a yes. And after much consideration, you came to NUS. You know? When I knew of this news, I was over the moon. Nothing could be used to describe my excitement and joys. Just very happy, I guess.

4 Aug 2006: Your brother was involved in a concert and you asked me to come along to see how your brother fared. Hearing a lot about how well and handsome your brother was, I had the chance to meet and greet him finally. He was very capable and handsome indeed, and no wonder you feel so proud of him.

6 Aug 2006: School started.

7 Dec 2006: The day where miracles and surprises happened. I came by your house at 11 a.m. and passed you a box of gift saying that it was a box of ice cream that I would have to pass to my friend for his birthday gift then. You put into the freezer and never asked anything. Immediately after that, we headed out to do some shopping and fun. Throughout the whole trip, I bluffed you and kept asking you questions like “You think my friend would like the ice-cream?” and etc. 5 p.m., it was time to head home. When I reached under your block and told you that the gift was for your 21st birthday, you were in shocked. When you headed home to open up the present only to find that it was a box of 21 different flavors of chocolates, tears just couldn’t control. To top off this 21 different flavors of chocolates, I went to plead a close friend to help me find a custom-made card so that I could do the design and messages all by myself. I’m not sure how you would have felt for this surprise. But still, I really hoped that this is good enough to mark off your 21st birthday.

From there, we lost contact. I did not know what has happened between the both of us. Simply just lose contact. Many instances, I really hope that you would just happen to sms me or even give me a call. Many instances, I hope that I could have bumped into you in school for a lunch or dinner or even a tea will do. Many instances, I really hope that things could be like what it was before. Many instances, I was wondering how you are doing now.

I was waiting to see if you would get me out to go for a shopping on Chinese New Year this year; I was waiting to see if you would get me out to go for a lunch or movie during the Jun holidays; I was wondering if you would get me out for a simple dinner during this Dec holidays; when I emailed you my flight details for my trip on 7th Dec, I was wondering if you would come and send me off. Well, none of this has happened. So, I guess I’m just wondering.

I’m not sure if you would be able to read this, but I’m just waiting for the miracles to happen. I do hope that things would be turning for a better soon.

25th Dec and 27th Dec have just passed, I’m wondering if 31st Dec would just pass off like these two dates or not.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

I must be really very stupid to think that there would be a reply..

I guess i must be stupid enough to wait for the reply.
I guess i must be stupid enough to think that there would be a reply.
I guess i must be really dumb enough to hold on to such thoughts for the past five days.

I thought everything would be fine after 13th december this year.
I really thought there would be a reply this time round.
But, it seems that i've have over-estimated myself this time round.

I'm stupid.