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Old uncle here is getting older day by day, yet there are still so many issues seem to be like single way traffic, that is, going out in one direction only. Yet, there are disadvantages - you will miss the stop you want to alight, or you might not know where to stop. Worst thing, you don't even know where you will be heading and got to be extra careful cause once you miss a stop, you can never do step the clutch and hit the reverse on your gear box. Yup, it would be convenient as you aim one direction only, nothing more to worry or whatsoever, but, the cons are far more than the pros if you weigh them properly.

Now that you know this basics, bring this idea on friendship and you will roughly know what this old uncle here is trying to say or sound. Give and take must be in equilibrium, if not near to it, it cannot be a zero on any one side, if not the reaction will cease. (The idea is roughly borrowed and modiflied from Le Cheateau's Principle.) I don't emphasize, but it does not mean i don't want to know what is the end results of giving. Sometimes, feedbacks are important so as not to over-ampliflied or to increase the gain which might in turn be deafening to the ears and damaging to the instruments, bring the theory into the issue and you will get it, people.

However, sometimes, it is either one party is taking everything for granted the other party expecting some feedbacks. Things don't turn out the way it should be (Well, usually it will not.) and when this happen, the heart will break, the brain will flash out "system failure, shutting down in 3 sec!" You see, so this will in turn ,making the whole situation a hellout one and making alot of things in greatest tension. A small sneeze will in turn results to great damages. Wow!

Suddenly, i feel like visiting people, door to door. Somehow, i don't. The truth is there, but somehow i don't want to see it. It is contradicting and painful at times, and troublesome and nusiance at other instances. Honesty is still the best policy and till this day, i still hold it so dearly and hopefully, it will be the same way that people received. Warmth and Empathy iare the 2 core values in pursuing peaks and yup, these beliefs should not be shake off when things turn out to be unexpectedly confusing.

I have sat down one corner of the seaside for past night and i'm still wondering.. Is my train getting lighter and lighter day by day, because ages catching up? Or because my thinking evolves to be more sentimental and emotional?

Till now, hundreads of people have crossed my path, yet not many stop by to talk abit more than just a HI-BYE! Is life supposedly to be planned out to be this way? Being painful at the lowest peak and producing mutants to curbs the pain. And thanks to the mutants, you will not feel the pain when someone is out of your path? Are we, the people who have hearts, supposedly produced to be like that? Hmmm..

If that is the way we should go, then i think uncle, me, have entered the wrong dimension. Or should i say, read to much of the fairytales like Winnie the Pooh, Scooby Doo and etc, where the world is so ideal and so nice to be in..

Maybe i should write a letter, last one to try my luck, maybe i should not. BUt somehow or rather, i still don't get the mutants at all le.

Haiz...
Bowling used to be a thing for me to enjoy with bands of bros.. But it seems like a waste of time recently.
Tennis used to be a chit chat session, but now it seems just like any game.
Kayaking seems to be fun when many do it, but now getting ridiculous day by day.
Now left with tea- session, when would it phase out too? I pray not!

Letters?
Yes? No?
Uncertainties just love to lie ahead of me..
Hahaz..

Somehow, somewhere, somewhat, that is the idea!

I got to admit this.. I finally managed to curb my deep craving for Mahjong last night. Hahaz.. After so many months of waiting and so deep of a craving, finally.

So i have managed to set myself into the rolling momentum again. The aim is there, the goal is there, but somehow or rather, the motion of the movement is still not there yet. Never mind, cos i know it is will there soon.

Somehow, i must admit one thing >> As one grows old, the thinking, the attitudes to many things do change alot. BUt for me, i'm not sure if it is me who is changing at times, or it is people who used to understand me don't get it nowadays.

Simplicity is the best policy, and i'm trying to be simple, people. How come you must make your thinking complicated when it comes to talking to me leh? Or am i the one messing up the issues at times.

Don't understand why..

But i guess i'll never..


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Well, i did this test a moment ago.. This is what it says about me..

How You Life Your Life

You are honest and direct. You tell it like it is. You are always tactful and diplomatic. You let people down gently. Your friends tend to be a as quirky as you are - which is saying a lot! You have one big dream in your life, and you never lose sight of it.

How Do You Live Your Life?

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Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion: You have high extroversion.You are outgoing and engaging, with both strangers and friends.You truly enjoy being with people and bring energy into any situation.Enthusiastic and fun, you're the first to say "let's go!" Conscientiousness: You have high conscientiousness.Intelligent and reliable, you tend to succeed in life.Most things in your life are organized and planned well.But you borderline on being a total perfectionist. Agreeableness: You have high agreeableness.You are easy to get along with, and you value harmony highly.Helpful and generous, you are willing to compromise with almost anyone.You give people the benefit of the doubt and don't mind giving someone a second chance. Neuroticism: You have medium neuroticism.You're generally cool and collected, but sometimes you do panic.Little worries or problems can consume you, draining your energy.Your life is pretty smooth, but there's a few emotional bumps you'd like to get rid of. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is high.In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas.You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits.A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

The Five Factor Personality Test

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Your Personality Is

Idealist (NF) You are a passionate, caring, and unique person.You are good at expressing yourself and sharing your ideals. You are the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily.Your heart tends to rule you. You can't make decisions without considering feelings. You seek out other empathetic people to befriend.Truth and authenticity matters in your friendships. In love, you give everything you have to relationships. You fall in love easily. At work, you crave personal expression and meaning in your career. With others, you communicate well. You can spend all night talking with someone. As far as your looks go, you've likely taken the time to develop your own personal style. On weekends, you like to be with others. Charity work is also a favorite pastime of yours.

The Three Question Personality Test

I'm happy, are you?

Well, some might knew what makes me so happy today.

(1) Someone, close to me, found the key and open the door to me.
(2) My boss finally know that i'm leaving the organisation, and gave me the greatest blessing.

Yup.. so that's it..

I'm happy, are you?
Smile for the rest of the day..

My Desired Happiness

Sitting by the bay, he watched the sunset. Not alone, nah, neither with any girls (nobody wanted him given his looks), he was with his heart-to-heart talk bro. After a day of hectic 'fire fighting', it was indeed rewarding and relaxing by sitting along the bay and watching the sun crawling back to its own bed.

After years of hardwork and years of persisting what they dreamt of since they knew each other, finally, what they reaped, they sow - having a big mansion by the seaside, with a posh car and doing what they dreamt of. What's there more to ask for? He, together with him, was a success businessmen, till now no one wants dare to believe that he was doing so well, given what he was 5years ago. Alas, time mould people.

So is that the happiness that all of us desired to have?
Why not?
Dare to dream and dare to make a difference.
YOu will see what you might not be able to..
Trust me...

So time files and i'm going to get otut of the largest organisation and into the actual and realistic world. Uncertainites set in and fears crawl in me. Will it be more cruel and more heartless? Nobody could give me a definite answer.

So that is it, i told my bro. Whatever we do or buy, don't just think of the price and money, because by doing that, it will make you feel sadder . Why not just tkae another approach? Since you spend the cost, why not just think of how you will birng the worthness of the thing and bring out the uniqueness?

Sometimes, i wondering if i'm changing for the worst or for better, could anyone enlighten me and tell me the whole story in me? I tried looking myself into the mirror, all i could see is just a face that does not look familiar to me at all. Could anyone tell me what i could do from this step onwards? Everywhere seems to buried with a landmine, once i step over it, i'll just pay a permanent visit to the heaven. Uncertainities just can't held but to step in.

Sometimes, i wonder , just sit by the corner and just wonder. Sometimes, how i wish, i could just sit by the river with a cup of tea and set myself upon thinking. Just thinking.

Sometimes, life has given me something and sometime i'm so afraid it would be taken away from me.

Yup, i think i'm struck somewhere again.
BUt, don't worry, i won't be down cos i know that there is always someone there who will given me the assurance and the fall-back to fall on.

Yup, i believe

So there it comes, some communication will makes the road smoother

Yup, things are getting to normal after i have picked up my courage and do a simple call. Finally, the mutual understanding level is back and the level of friendship is pushed up to the next higher level of peak..

Flowers have blossom and fruits have ripe. Things have got better and honesty have been restored. Trust is instilled back and confidence level is back to normal.


Thanks for your concern..

Drifting Distance, weaker bond?

Drifting distance, weaker bonding? Why must it happen at this period of time when i really need a support and a little trust?

Do i look like a guy with evil intention and only do things that will benefit me? Do i like a guy with ill thinking and only talk to people when i need help? Am i not transparent enough?

Flames will keep on burning , smiles will keep on remaining on the face. But, when both are running out of power and energy to carry, and fears would like to step in. Oh well, then do i have a choice at all?

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In life, there are things and goals that we would have set or suppose to set in order to make life meaningful and fruitful. With these, we would have drew the meaning of life and the purpose for us to carry on to fight with the turnovers and all the strange obstacles to reach our final destination. This would make the setting of goals and target to be essential, that is to say, a must. If not, you would most likely end up in an aimless island, still wondering why are you there.

Whenever you hit the rock bottom (of that would be the maximum downfall you would face cos once you have reached the rock bottm, oh well, there isn't anything worst than that. That is the worst situation you could have think of or be in), you really hope that your closet pal / pals would be there for you and really understand what you are thinking, most importantly, you would really need the strength to carry on fighting and lifting yourself up from the mess or 'quick-sand' you fell into. I think all of us ask from each other would be just a little understanding and little trust, just a little support and little soul (the soul here means something else, not those that you might bumped into during the seventh month). I think that is all we ask for, if not, all i want.

So they always say, obstacles are there to make you grow stronger and be a more able person in future. Obstacles uh? The world seems crumbling down on me, and there is seems to be nothing i could do to it. Yes, so what so i'm having a positive mindset, so what so i'm determine to fight off this , so what so i'm biting my teeth through the situation? So what so? So what so? Words are melodies to ears, thoughts are touching the heart, all are but, empty promise. It is empty because it is empty. There isn't anything there for me to be secure of and assure with.

When you start to hold disillusions of the world and there are nothing to will bring your back to the path that you used to be in and hope to be in,you are just an empty shell. Your drive, your beliefs, your power, your soul, your heart would have left you in lurch nights ago. All you have now is just an empty shell, a shell that but nothing but a pack of skeletons and useless organs. Your eyes would have lose the ability to see the colours of the world, your sense of touch lose the ability to feel what is there good about the world, your sense of smell would smell nothing at all (all the flora and wonderful smell of the world have left you). You are just a body, yes, just any body.

Moltivation, the power of the soul, would have gone with the wind, vanished in thin air. There is nothing to drive you to work and play, to think and pray, to believe and hope, to hold to and go on. There would be no reason for anything. Even your favourite pastime would lose its meaning. Sometimes, you would think that simple activities like bowling is good for you, but, you have no reason and no drive to play at all cos you have no drive to boost your self up to play. Music is non-perishable, but for this moment in life, you have pronounced it dead.

So is it fair to someone who is just 20, yet to cross into his 21? Fairness, hahaz, is just a word you read in the book. It goes into your mind and just stay there will do, don't bother to use it or explain anything use the word. All it will do is just making the situation worst.

All i ask for is just some understanding and trust, some assurance and strength to carry on. I don't expect anyone to solve anything for me, but, can't i ask for an assurance? Trust, so much so i tried to instil yet is a tool that kills me, is all i want? Aren't i transparent enough? It hurts me when this is the tool that will tarnish me. I have no mask or protective gear to shield me off from this tool. I don't need either. All i ask for is a little understanding and trust, some assurance and encouragement. Why?

I having nothing more to lose ever since i lost my trust. Sometimes, it is always good to look up the sky and wonder why is it you. More often than not, don't expected any answer from anyone if you don't even know why.

Yup, i just managed to change my background song, do enjoy!

Sleepless, so i'm here

Perhaps, this is a good time for me to turn to this site to talk and reflect. Suddenly, i seems to be thrown back into the empty and dark box that i managed to climb out years ago. NOthing in there, not exciting. NO one in there, no one to talk to. So blank and so empty.

Suddenly, i seems to lose my heart, my drive and my soul. My vision, my values and my thoughts seems to lose their way and enlightment seems to be a word to hard for me to comprehend. So where is the true heart and my old self thinking? Am i just another sad mould of the society? I seems to sink into the quick sand..

So this is an aimless and borderless island.NOthing there for me and nothing there to see.. Nothing to hope and nothing to believe in..

Why is it like that? NOthing to look forward for tomorrow and no one to cry into..
Tears are running dry..

Sleepless again..

When i look into the mirror, i see a stranger in it.

It is just only 2 weeks and yet so much things have happened. There were joys, of course, and there were many moments of which i felt like aplogizing to the person, how i wished time will just rewind by to days before Feb 24, 2006.

What have i just done? And who am i now? How come there is a stranger appearing in front of me when i look right into the mirror?

I really don't know what i can do now or even say now. Will the person be more irritated by me again? Will the person try to shun away from me? (I really hope not cos i don't want to lose such a good relationship) How i wish i can tell out how i feel...

Haiz,.