Why must I bump into such situation again?

For every time i bump into this situation, my heart will ache for a moment or so. Am i really into the stage whereby no primary school mates could recognise me? Did i really change so much till it is beyond recognition? Hmm.. Any comments from any one from the floor?

Yes, my heart is aching now, for i've once again bumped into this funny situation, yet in so many places - Jacks' Place, Library, outside cinemas, in NorthPoint Shopping Centre, under my block, in the bus and so on. So why must it happen again and again? Hm..

So, this is like any other Friday - for after dinner there is no entertainment at all, oops, the other entertainment that i can think of is to sleep. But wait a minute, is sleeping consider as a form of entertainment? I don't know. Maybe yes, probably not. Who cares. Yes, so where are all my night life? Where are my funky nights? Where are you, people?

You know what? I don't know what you know, so sorry. All i knew was that Christmas is just around the corner (Which corner? Where?) and there are a lot of things to be done. Yes, there goes my overseas trip. Have to stay back and prepare for the Live Fast Die Young Party 05, final party of the year.

So next tuesday is my doom day. (Sound scary but true!) I will decide if i would be able to up-phase to the next level or to continue to be in phase 2.5.

So funky and fun are all missing... Ther goes my friday, down the drain and away! Wee...

: )

That i go again, trapped!

So there i am, lost to Mr Virus. Down with high fever and swollen muscles, still wondering what's the cause of these.

Yup, hate to take medicine, but being forced to do that. Cos why? After consumption of those medicine, Mr Zzz monster would come and dragged me to bed. And it is not minutes, but hours and hours on the bed. Haiz...

Actually, watching the good television programmes do enlighten me in some ways. For instance, the recent show 'Shine on me'. Though it is a drama series (Oh yes, did i mention anything about disliking drama series?), it brings out the some great meaning of friendships, life and education (well, i'm not sure about the rest, but to me, it did that perfectly.).

There are quite a number of things that it mentioned that really set me into deep thinking.
(1) Yes, many of us would always say that we would want to do charity works, help out the community and bring love to the society. But how many of us would actually go all out to do that? For example, if your wallet has $50 dollars and you saw this little girl walking towards you to see you the charity tickets, each cost $2 and there are 5 tickets left. How many would you buy and why? Would you buy the remaining five tickets? Or would you even buy a ticket in the first place? Hahaz, if you ask me, i would hesitate for a moment because i don't know how to answer the question. Yes, we do often complain that life is sucky because the society is laakcing of love, peace and warmth. So who are the ones who would be able to give such things?

(2) So we do condemn people who make mistakes, but are we right to do that? Didn't we make mistakes before? So why must we condemn others when they make mistakes? Shouldn't they be given a second chance? What is more important is that they are able to admit their own mistakes, even it takes a lot of beating and scolding.

(3) So what is the meaning of education? Isn't it all about studying for grades? Well, thanks. Education talks about incalcating morals, ethics and principles of life to students. It brings out the hidden potentials of student from there on enabling the student to have a firm foothold in the society. If education is influencing, teaching, guiding and exposing. Not punishing and headless studying.

Well, televsion programmes do educate me in some ways and give me a new type of thinking.

Fever comes and go, just like visitors. Body aching and sore throats are now the visitors of my body, with Fever as the VIP. I hate this feeling, for there is completely nothing i could do. Even walking a few steps could make me pant like nobody's business (indeed, no one's business). Medicine are my enemy, making me KO for long hours. Thanks!

Yes, just 5 more days, i'll have my 5 yrs plan to be up-phrase again.

Yup, Chinese New Year 2006 is coming. What is so happy about when CNY is an annual event? Well, CNY 06 would be a significant one. Games, entertainment and fun!

Good!
So, today ended one entry with yet a smile!!
Smile!
Why?
It brings courage to the discouraged.
Drive worries from the troubled.
Kill sadness and bring joys.
Brighten your day! (I know technically speaking, Sun is the one doing the job!)
Sweeten your night!
Spice up life,
and bring the world closer.

Think, thought and confirm?

Hmm... Let's see what we've got for today. Hmm..

Actually, there is nothing for me to talk about. Ok, i did not take things for granted and be lazy about things. It is just that there are some issues that i don't get it and i don't think that i will get it at this point of time, where i'm mentally blocked and there is absolutely nothing that i can do now but to wait.

Quite a lot of things that happened around the world for the past few months set my mind in thinking (Did i say i'm having mental block now?). Homo Sapiens are indeed the funniest creatures in Earth. Things turned out the way it should not be partially due to jealously, unstable ideology, dominance and etc. So where are peace, love and equality? I don't know.

Eyes are indeed the windows. You get to see things that you enjoyed (Seeing your friends, your loved ones, your careers, mountains, sunset and etc.) and of course, the things that i hate (Pain, sufferings and etc). I cannot seriously describe what i have saw last night and what actually sets me thinking. If you really want to know, you come and find me in person, that i might consider telling you.

I think i'm getting a little incoherent here, for my mental blocking symptoms is actually the cause for it.
----------------------

I think i'm stress by my test. Time to go and study.
Yup, i think i should start to study.
Yes, if not, i think i will really fail.
----------------------

Ok, i think i should go and sleep.
For i think i'm tired.
Really very tired.
----------------------

I'm back in one piece

Hahaz.. It has been quite some time since my last blog. Well, i must admit the fact that part of the reasons was that i'm lazy and i really running out of ideas.

Have been roaming around and reading quite a few articles from various sources (Times, American Scientific, Asia Week, Global and etc..)

Starts to wonder if technology has actually bring more harm than good to us, the homo sapiens.I cannot deny the fact that the initial thought of improving technology was to improve our standard of living. But, it seems that privacy has been the cost of such technology surges and human body has become lab test apparatus. MP3 chips could be injected into the bodies (to be exact in the breasts), biochips could be injected in (to be exact: near the spine region). Now what? I don't quite understand why humans would like to do this to body. Human bodies are meant to be the way they were to be when they were created centuries ago. Love your body before it is too late.

With the rapid globalisation, the distance separation between countries seems to be lesser and lesser. Oh good, so the distance is getting lesser and lesser and the rate of the diseases outspread seems to be faster and faster. Yes, i know many of you would only think of H5N1 (Avian Flu), but it is besides that. There are more outspread than just H5N1, SARS? Yellow fever? Hahaz.. I'm not trying to frighten anyone here, but hereby just stating the fact. It seems that troubles keep on brewing.

So, before that i only know what is saturated and unsaturated fats. Now, there is one new type of fats called trans-fats. Haiz... suddenly i think goats are the most healthy and safest animals in Earth, or pehaps Sheeps, cows and other herbivoures. Grass!!

Tea-talk (new term for la teh for me) seems to be my new hobby. Whenever i'm feeling stress, empty, down or even happy, it would be the thing that i do - tea with more milk, sitting at one corner and sipping it slowly, watching the crowds moving up and down. Seeing people sitting in groups and chatting happily away, eating to their content. So i guess it is all about life ba, trains and passengers.

November seems to be a busy months for me - competitions and exams. Soon, it will be the time for me to go around and roam to prepare for doggy wagging party 2006. More programmes coming up.

Well, there are still some things for me to say, but somehow words can't describe my feelings.

So what to do?

End the entrY today with yet another smile.
: )

Complements

I saw this poster yesterday, it wrote:
Complements. If today is so perfect, then there would not be a need for tomorrow.

What strikes you mind at this moment upon reading this?

Things happen in the way that there is no way you could explain

Sometimes, i find that the changes around me are rather fast for me to grasp and adapt, or should i say i'm now becoming slower to change for a change? The way things started out, developed and ended were all simply to hard for me to explain or to even comprehend. Many arising issues have blinded me from judging, gauging or even planning my way, my life and my future.

Yes, i did said before - For what plan so much? The more you planned, the more you feel sad for if one step goes wrong, you have to re-plan. Why not walk along with the changes and enjoy the surprizes that pop out along the way. This is what life should be - Enjoyable, full of surprizes. But, honestly how much longer can i live? Perhaps if i win fate (Which is what i should not do because fate has brought in alot of stuff that i enjoyed), i can be more happy-go-lucky. But, if it is the other way round? Well, for at least, i know i did things that i won't regret.

Well, it seems that many years of my life and many things that i did within the past 19 plus plus years could be easily summarised by a few words. Though i knew something, at times i seems to know nothing. I know the pain of know something, but often being 'seduced' by the joy of knowing something. So what am i? I don't know.

But 1 thing for sure is that i'm lucky to have people willingly to enter and exit my train (life). People entering in, i'll treasure them; people alighting, i'll remember that till the day where i'm gonna to be called home by the lord. Sometimes, you might wonder why the heck i do this, but i'm just to lazy to explain as it is pointless to do that, not because people won't understand, it is just that my explaination is too dumb. Alot of things, especially appreciating of friends, i have learnt them through the hard way, so hard that i nearly could not put myself together.

I guess i'm getting sensile and soon maybe be diagnosed to have Alzhimer's Disease (commonly known as old people eat idiot symptoms).
Yeah, live fast die young.
I guess i'll have to fight with fate to see who wins.
But, who would be the likely winner? It seems so obvious.

I'm tired, let me rest.
I think i should sleep.
Or maybe i should sit down by a bay, enjoy the sea breeze and watch the sunset.
(Yup, sunset is undescribe-able beautiful, but it only last for 5 mins)

Yup, ending another entry with yet a smile!

Well, i know i cannot escape anymore

Oh well, i think i have been trapped, and it seems that i''m been trapped in there for many many months.

Yup,by now i should be in the bed and snooring, but i choose to sit here and end up talking about this here. Sounds pathetic. Well, it is pathetic.

I'm been struck there for months and here i am, still being trapped there for many months. How long will i take to flip over this page? I don't know.
How long will i take to start a fresh page of this topic? I really have no idea about it. But, what i believe and know is that - OH WELL! I'm struck here again.

I'm not fit to talk about this, but the heart seems to be irrational nowadays. What can i do? Just quietly sit and let this feeling worn off.

Trapped, struck. What to do?

So what is it now?

I always like the idea of sitting under the sky, facing a pond and having a few brothers around to have a relaxing and nice chatting session, that is, to talk about anything under the sky and above the moon.

Conversation do let you understand people more, or maybe in the negative direction. Changes are sometimes inevitable and sudden. For that, it makes me having to re-understand some of my brothers and to re-understand my own thinking. Yes, it seems stupid to do that. But it somehow seems necessary to do that. (If you what i mean!)

Well, it is like any other typical monday that i had. Morning went for my tennis match, afternoon just sit by the computer and thinking how to finish all sort of rubbish. In the evening? Well, went for my cello grading. Yes, i did pass, but quite badly. Thanks to the songpiece given to me. It is completely new to me and never heard before. The tempo setted is also very strange. So, the songpiece is weird, the tempo is strange and that's why i got a pass instead of what is being predicted of me. So, from there, i headed back Yishun to have my dinner at the all time favourite prata shop. (Just cannot image that i have 4 days of my dinners out of the past days there!)

So what's next?

I don't know. Simply has my sense of direction blurred again. Yes, i do have great dreams and plans. If you ask me which phrase i'm in now. Well, i'm in phrase 1.5 of 10. Yes, slow indeed. Who cares. Even when you feel like changing, you would also take quite some time to do that. So why can't me?

At times, i thought of putting all my work and my schedule aside and go for a holiday, perhaps N.Thailand, around K town. A place where you will get near to rural life. Yes, i may not be able to adapt to it cos i've been pampered since young; all facilities are within reach. But, it is not as if i'm going to stay there permanently. I just want to be there, to be in the nature and to enjoy the slow pace of living there. What's more, you get to see those wonderful stars at night. That's a dream, a dream that seems hard to acheive at times.

Yup, it is drizzling outside, i just got back home after a run from sumi and da's area. It was cooling and drizzling, for the wind would blow across your face gently. At that moment, you would simply refused to move on and just stand there, out in the open to enjoy the soft-touch of the wind. But, such moment do not last long, tears from the sky washed off your desire, awake me up from my dreams and urge me to go home fast. Shattered my penny of thoughts and broke off my communication with the winds.

Flash-back is a techinque we bound to use, if not at least once, during our essay writing during Secondary School. But, somehow, it seems to be a skill that most of us have and would often use it from time to time. Honestly speaking, i'm using it now. I'm thinking of her, i'm thinking of all the things that i have done during my Sec Sch, i'm thinking of my long-lost friend. (Ok, by now if you still keep wondering why i'm always that emotional and somehow doing things that you don't get it, then i guess you have yet to read some other blogs of mine.) Flash-back is only two words. But, it often being used to summarise many moments of time in just a few words. Reasons? Well, sometimes, words are just not enough to describe the whole situation (or maybe i'm wrong, my vocabulary of words aren't large enough to do that?). Just for instance, if you want me to describe what did last night? 4 words! La-teh, talk talk! (But they just aren't ablee to convey the actual actions or even anything near it.)

I feel the weight of the world on my shoulder
As i'm getting older y'all people get colder
Most of us only cares about money making
Selfishness got us following in the wrong direction
Yup indeed, most of us have the basic ideas of what is a need and what is a want mixed up. Mixed up so badly that now there seems to be no one able to explain this.

What have we done to our next generation? What have the earlier generation done to us? They merely want a better living. But, it seems that the better standard of living brought in all other stuffs that are threatening and deafening. Cars started out to be a want, an additional thing that you would get after you settle your food and BASIC clothing, and also your BASIC shelter. Oh, did i emphasize anything about baisc? Yup, i did. Initially clothing was just a piece of cloth that cover your important areas. And soon it developed to many many things. Till now, wearing nice and branded seems to be a need than a want. So? Tell me, what have happened during the period of civilisation and industrial revolution?

Yea, you may start to wonder who is this idiot there talking about all sorts of rubbish here? well, that's me - XinG ZaI

Yes, i'm talking rubbish again.
But sometime what i talk about is true and some people would choose to avoid it and label me as ESCAPIST. Yup, i got used to this name and give up explaining.
I'm not there or yet to be capable enough to start explaining my thoughts, for my thoughts are a little stupid. But, after the tremour that i have went through a few years ago, i believed those are what i want. I'm no longer the good boy people used to see in secondary school. I'm not fit to be in the bill of good boy, neither bad too. I'm just an average plump idiot. Yup, that's me.

Ok, me and my nonsens again.
I think i should go and sleep.
NOw, it is still drizzling outside. I'm the only soul that is still awake in my house. The indians are down in the coffeeshop chatting and enjoying their wonderful new year.

soon, i have to be in the working mood again. Just got a letter from my mentor indicating that i should go for my grading. Well, yes, i'm also the member of the society who got mixed up what's a want and what's a need.
What to do?

Go and sleep lor.
Smile people. :) that's me. Ending my entry with a smile again.