My last thoughts before a New ME

Well, before i undergo any form of surgeries or turn-over, i would like to write these few things in..

Well, many people thinks that life is tough to live on. Why? There are simply too much things to be bothered with - love, money, family, studies, career, friends, material possessions, etc. Just on these, you get simply enjoy your life. Well, i used to think this way - Why life is such a big torture, why must i be so busy with so many things in life? Till now, i cannot say that i'm mature or able to take on life better, but, i have seen many people been through what what i have went through.

Life is as easy or as tough as you think it is. IF you think that life is tough, then it will be. There was once a person who came up and told me this:" Help! I'm suffering. There are so many things to be troubled with. For instance, i deeply in love with my aunt. Knowing that this wrong, i still think of it. I have dream of how to live with her, how to love her..." Funny? I think so. This person simply uses too much brain power. I'm not against brain work, or i can't say "Don't use your brain!" But, think this: If compassion, committment and care come deeply from the heart, then why are we so busy filfulling the brain? If relationship issues comes merely from the bottom of the heart, then why must we keep thinking of how to or how not to? Well, the next thing is that planning to good. You can plan 1000steps ahead of you, but, if you don't start the first step. How would you know that you have planned well and correctly? I'm not against the hardwork of planning, but i think that, plan as you move along the path. That would be a next point i'll bring out.

Good! Planning is good, but can you guarantee that your plan fits in your future totally? I love to plan everything, include my dinner. But, my plans do not come true totally. I can't predict the next step,what will really happen. Thta's why i find that life is super exciting.


The funny thing is that in here we are so used to the careful spoon-feeding job done by the teachers and the well-protecting and doting parents that in the end, we are so used to the rigid ways of solving problems that we encountered that makes us useless to the real outside world when we first stepped into the society. Solely think that past expriences have taught us how to solve problems we encountered, we simply don't care other things. And that's why we would find that life is getting harder and harder to carry on. We have locked our thinking too much. We should open our mind, free our mind. Just like in Sec 2, we used to learn find gradient by merely drawing tangent. And, we started boasting that gradient is found using that only, till when we reached Sec4. We learned the easier method -- differentiation! So, apply to the real world. Don't let past experiences lock our mind and actions. Think of this: Will we make noise when people lock us up in cages physically? So why are we locking our mindsets? Bend with the wind, flow along with the current...

A few people have once told me that they would like to stay young forever. Why? No need to be bothered about so issus in life. I laughed.. Why not? Even the squiggly caterpillar is trying so hard to metarmorphose to become a cute nd beautiful butterfly, we would metarmorphose to be beauitful people. Why refuse to let the nature takes its course? Grow, enjoy.


I life there are only three choices to do things. Live up, Give up, Screw Up.

With that, i look forward to a new ME.

Just one more day

Well, just saw the comments given to me by two friends. Indeed, I have lost my sense of thought when it comes to issues like her. Haha.. Maybe it's time for me to go plunge myself into something else, something worth to be achieved, something that she might be proud of me, something that i longed for a year. Yes, everything will start tomorrow.

Today will mark an end for these few things:
(1) Despondent and senseless thoughts
(2) Dreams
(3) Sadness


Well, maybe because of her, i've plunged myself down towards the rock bottom. NOw that i have reached the rock bottom, whether i like it or not, freedom is coming back to me. So, might as well use this time to do something great. Give me 1 year, i'll prove to you!

Am i crazy?

Well, just parted her for only two weeks and i just start to think of her again. People (my bros) have started asking me whether i would wait for her or find a new girl... (Till now, i still don't know)

What i can think of for me to wait for her is because (1) I think she would probably be the only girl who understand deep inside out, ie how i think, react and behave. (2) She is the only one who,m i feel comfortable with. (3) She the only girl whom i personally think that can handle me well. (4) She is the only one whom i can confidently left alone at times, yet won't threw any temper on me because of that. (5) She is the only one whom can help me in many areas of my life (she understand what i mean, ie she can be my diary, secretary, girlfriend, soul-confide partner, movie companies..)

How i wish i have made her stay behind nine months ago, then things like this would never even occur...

I feel like calling her up adn talk to her. But, i'm so afriad that i might disturb her. I want her to do her best in her studies, yet want to listen to her voices, if not see her messages..

Haiz... How i wish time would turn backwards and let me decide again...

My blacklisted list

Well, for the past two days, whenever i go, i got blacklisted. There are a total of twenty places.

For day one(25/03), i got blacklisted in 10places, thanks to three girls (in here, i'll called them SM, YM, HX).

(1) Mac at Nothpoint, Yishun, At 0900hrs
What we did: We ordered three set of breakfast. Then, we took a total of 27packs of butter, 30 packs of peppers, 5packs of creamers, 10packs of sugars. We tok 1 whole hours to complete the breakfast.
Well, that's not the worst. Our dear friend, SM, kept looking at the ballons and as her best friend, HX, she kept thinking of pulluing the Mac uncle to toilet to beat up (no link). YM came at about 0945hrs, she took a long time to eat and when she drank the tea, she spit out what she drank each time. Overall, very the noisy.

(2) MRT. towards Causeway point. At 1000hrs.
What we did: Well, nothing much, except making a whole din in the mrt train. Just became a centre of attraction, Kept thinking that there might be birds being trapped.

(3) Samsung shop, Causeway point. At about 1045hrs.
What we did: Nothing much again, just making too much noise. Thinking of helping the salegirl in vacumming the floor and opening the doors.

(4) MRT, towards Ang Mo Kio. At about 1130hrs.
What we did: Well, noise. Trying to break the world record for laughing, if that event exist in the first place.

(5) Bus 135, towards East Coast Park. At about 1200hrs.
What we did: Nothing much just thinking of pinching a little girl and making a whole in again.

(6) East Coast Park. At about 1300hrs.
What we did: Dear SM, did a lot of funny acts while ridiing bicycle. CS made a lot of jokes on the way. HX still thinking of pulling people to toilet to beat up.

(7) Coffee Bean, ECP. AT about 1530hrs.
What we did; Ordered three cakes and two cups of drinks. Well, dirtied the whole table. And that's not the worst. HX actually ordered an AXE-oil for me to drink.

(8) Bus 853. At about 1630hrs.
What we did: Destroyed the bus.

(9) Cold Storage, Northpoint. At aout 1745hrs.
What we did: Praising the counterboy that he is very handsome.

(10) Comic Zone, NOrthpoint. AT about 1800hrs.
What we did: Destroyed the shop. SM climbed the ladder she saw.

Day two(26/03). Thanks to them and one more, CT, a guy.

(1) Burger King, Golden Village Yishun. At about 1330hrs.
What we did: Well, asking for a lot of chillies and destroyed the whole shop again.

(2) Golden Village, for cheesy hotdog. At bout 1430hrs(About to be late for the meet-up).
What we did: Well, merely ordered tow cheesy hotdog, which will execrete juices (thanks to HX). Threw a large amount of coins instead of notes.

(3) Bus 39, towards Pasir Ris.
What we did: HX trying to lessen the swollen marking of SM' hand. SM tried to scream in the Bus.

(4) MRT station, Pasir Ris. At about 1503hrs.
What we did: Screamed in the mrt station.

(5) Bus 354, towards Downtown east. At about 1325hrs.
What we did: BEcame the centre of attraction.

(6) Downtown east. At about 1330hrs.
What we did: Trying to find out where the heck is Aloha Loyang. Called CT, he said it was opposite of Escape theme park. Well, we thought otherwise. Nearly got screwed by security guards. Well, then got the general direction again. HEaded towards our destination. But on the way, we found that the direction given to us was weird, so we check it out with a lady. She gave us more stars than before. Sad thing, on the way, it was raining and we headed Costa Sand to seek shelters. Nearly destroyed the resort there.

(7) Bus to Aloha Loyang. At about 1620hrs.
What we did: Too much noise.

(8) On the way home.
What we did: Too much noise again.




Well, due to this, i got blackisted in the list. Thnaks to SM, HX, YM and of course, the guest star appearance of CT.

Well, it yet time for them.

I talked to many brothers and friends of mine just now, C F S C D S J X. Well, find that they took life to rigid-ly.

It don't know how to make sure that they can understand this:
If compassion, Empathy and Committment comes from the heart, the why are we trying to meet the needs from the brain. Yes they can plan a lot for the future. But, if they yet to step the first step. They will NEVER know if their plans will work or not. Yes, i agree that it is good to have past experiences and use logics strictly to do things, but you will only see a small square of the large pictures. You will never know how a stranger walk if you never try.

Haha, how good will it be if i can get rid of fear fo failure from them, then, they can fail happyily and learn fruitfully.



I can't say that i'm good in handling my life, but i can only say that i'm learning, i'm trying to simplfy things, like what was being simplify to us in the first place. HEart can only pump one side at a time, ie if left side pumps, the right side can't. You can only breathe and not swallow food at the one time. You can only write well with one hand at one time. So why don't try to solve a thing at a time. Why stuff yourself with so many problems at the same time.


It yet time for time to see this.

Well, life ma.. Is like a movie...

Well, i've not regretted living today, as somehow or rather i did make full use of my time today....

Early in the morning at about 6, i met up with my closet buddy. We went jogging around Yew Tee Side for about an hour and i bidded goodbye. Though sad, i'm looking forward to my next appointment/ activity...

At about 7plus, i reached my home, took a quick show and left again.

Reached Yishun Mrt Station, i met up with my another gang of friends.. Initially, we intended to met up at 0815hrs. Due to some unforseen circumstances (I've rather not say), we went for a quick breakfast (well, initially it should be, be somehow it lasted for an hour. (*---*) ) and we headed our destination -- EAST COAST PARK.

Well, along the way, we made the blunder.. It is so fortunate that MRT and buses do allow people to make noise.. If not, i might be jailed, thrown out of the bus/mrt or even being blacklisted..

Finally, after so much of laughtewrs and blunders and cold jokes, we reached East Coast Park. First and foremost, we went to rent bicycles (well, if you don't ride a bike in ECP, you will never finishe walking the whole ECP just within two hours). Tired, we went to coffee bean, i still remembered that i drank a cup of AXE oil (actually was a cup of CHAI).

With that, we returned to Yishun. Came back and messed up Yishun again...

After bidding goodbye, i went to met my bro at his house. Chatted with him for a while, then we went for two to three rounds of tennis.

With that, i was so exhausted that i gave up and went home....

________________________________________________________________

With that i closed today with no regrets, except that i missed her again.. Still got 1215days more before i'll get to see her again...

Well, Live up, wise up or else screw up..

Busy.. Thus lazy

Haha, look at the title. You may be amused by the title. Well, i'm serious about this issue. Maybe you may think in other aspects, i difer from you....


Well, just posted into my new unit(to me anything that is less then 6months are all new), i have to do 4 people's job at one go everyday.. Well, how can i take it? Thus, everyday from 7am to 7pm, i'll be extremely busy till i dropped dead.( Maybe due to this, i've became lazy and un-bothered by other stuffs)

I'm so lazy to bother about the friends around me.. Sometimes due to the tight schedule given to me, i've to work over time, no time for her, let alone other things...
And maybe because of this, there are alot of issues that i don't even know arising... Well, making my head spinning...

Sometimes i fell like not be bothered by anything... Just sit by one side of the beach and sing song...

It's a blessing

Well, the thoughts of me being a teacher.. The thoughts of me being a friend to many JC students.. The thoughts of me being able to chat with other teachers during my free time.. The thoughts of being ale to teach and guide students to their future.. The thoughts of my future students being outstaning and successful have once perked me to look forward to life...


Well there is a saying which i really would agree completely... " Being able to do a job that you love is life's greatest blessing" Well, i have pondered about this phase for umpteen times. What can i say?


Yes, just one more year. Just give me one more year.. I'll be there in a school that i yearned to go to ever since i stepped into Secondary School.. And four years from there, I'll go to my life's greatest blessing...

Well, maybe i'll look in this angle. It may help me to be more happy..
Well, some of the muscles which are being used for luaghing are already atrophied ever since i'm trapped in my currently service. Well, it's time for them to be rejuvenated..

Well, life looks so plain

Well,Life really looks very plain if i'm not doing anything like reading or thinking...

How come?

Again because of you

Sigh, why must it be of her again??

Last thursday was her very last day in singapore, after which i'll only get to see her THREE years later...

Hiaz.. How i wish i'm able to let her stay by my side...
HOw am i going to spend the days alone without her....

Where are you??

Tell me that you are not leaving....

Well, Back to the entangled relationship

Grace was back on today, to be exact last night around seven in the evening. I did not know that she was back till she gave me a call at about 11.30pm. (i'm a failure, ain't I)

GT:" Well, i'm back!"
GL:(Rather shocked and surprised to see her handphone number again)" When are you back?"
GT:" Just."
GL:" Oh i see... Can we meet?"
GT: (Deep breathing)" Erm.. Better not!"
GL:" But, i miss you so much!"
GT:" But.."
GL:" I'll be at the usual place to wait for you. See you at around 2am, i'll wait for you. NO MATTER WHAT!"
GT:" Er..."
GL:" Give me a chance to explain, please."


Supposedly i was with my good friend and god-brother, (they know who they are), i was in my god-bro's house. His house was some sort very spacious, i should say. We have talked alot of things, most his A level result, which was released not long ago. I have encouraged him to take up courses he liked, instead of courses he could be in. " Well, in university, you must study what you like and not what you can."-- This was what i said that night.

My watch striked 1.45 am, it was time for me to leave.
GL:" Bro, i'm leaving!"
FN:" Where? Why?"
GL:" I've meet up with her."
FN:" NOw? Where?"
GL:" At out usual huntspot."
FN:" OH! Quick go, you may be late."
GL:" Thanks, see you later!"

From there, i ran all the way, i think it was of 3km or so... Finally, ive reached the place.

Looking around. (Gosh! Just in time)- I thought.
Time started ticking. Second by second, half an hour past. Finally, i saw a familiar shadow appeared. I ran closer. Without hesitation, i went up and hugged tightly..
GL:" Dear, i missed you. Without you, the flowers i saw withered. Without you, the stars i counted are limited. Without you, the beaches i sat are motionless. Without you, the time i travelled through seemed to be a century. I missed the time when i'm your diary, i'm your listener, i'm your everything. I've realised that i cannot go on to greater height. I made a blunder in my work, ive no mood for anything. You know what-- I've suffered as though i'm a drug-addict without his antidotes, a bird of which used to fly freely getting its wings removed, a person of whom lost his souls and thinking left only the shell. Well, i hope you could give me another chance. Be the antidote to cure my addicts, be the one who enlightened my body, mind and soul. I will thank you for that. Well, if you agree, sing me the song i love, hugged me the way you used, tell me the story you like, tell me this is starting over."
GT:" I have give it a thought for these two months. I have tried to forget you, yet i can't. I even think of having a new boyfriend, but i failed. I missed the time i've you by my side. Sing you a song i delighted to hear. Telling you the tales that i loved to. Listening to your heartbeats which only i can understand. I thought of reconcile with you. That's why i'm back here."
GL: (shocked by what he heard)" Re... re.. reconcile with... m... me? Am i hearing things or that's the truth? Please tell me!"
GT:" Truth, i cannot keep them anymore.."
GL:" Thanks, i treasure the chance you gave me yet again. I thank you for giving me this chance to be your personal diary, companion, anything and everything."
GT:" But..."
GL:" ???"
GT:" You got to wait for me for three years."
GL:" 3.."
GT:" If you love me, please wait for me like the way i'm waiting for this day to come."
GL:" I'll wait, till the flowers withered, the sea dried up, the stars are down, the rocks disintergate i'll wait."
GT:" Thanks!"
GL:" Please let me have the honour to spend this night- the only night, the late night with you!"

With that, i brought her to many places.. The usual beach we sat to watch sunrise, the coffeehouse for breakfast, the usual cinema to watch a movie, the usual route to her house...

GT:" I'm happy to have you beside me last night."
GL:" me too.. I look forward for the next time you appear beside me. Take care!"
GT:" You too."

We hugged fo very long...

GL/GT:" Good bye my dear. I'll see you in 3 years time."

With that, i have never see her again. I'm now sitting facing US. Looking forward for her return....

Lust

Can't imagine that i start thinking of finding a girlfriend again..
Am i that desperate? It's only three months after i broke off with my GRACE, i start to think of finding another one...

Urgh.... LUST!!! I must think of some way to control this.

Help!!

Why am i so undisciplined??? Starts to think of girls again??? Sigh!