So.. what's going on?

Hmmm... So what's going on??


______________________________
Miracles would happen only when you believe it.
If you give up hope (the last and only thing that could be given up), you have given up living...
Life is unjust at times, but it would be fair.

I'm back!

It has been quite some time since my last post. Numerous incidents and issues happened, things weren't at my advantages a few days ago, disillusions nearly crept in and befriended me.

But, the good news is - well, i'm finally back standing up again; preparing myself to give my shots once again - for the dreams i yearn, for my love ones, for my future and for a better tomorrow. Life was a nusiance a few days ago when things weren't getting in my way and when people don't understand my penny of thoughts. Ha..

Just less than 2 weeks, i'll be an undergraduate (student once again). Things are happening at too a fast pace that nearly freaked me out days ago. Things are finally back to my court and back to my control.

Hmmm.. Everybody, i'm back!!

Hmmm, am i right to do that?

I did not reply the message because i cannot reply the message rationally.

What to do?
Am i right not to reply at all?

Simply tired

Too lazy to explain things to make them look rational and easy to digest. Tired of explaining and explaining. I think the root of problem is me ba. I guess so.

I give up

A great sweat out

So my alarm rang at 6.30am this morning and i was near to refusal of getting up from the bed. Hesitantly, i took a shower and headed out to MacRichite Resouvoir for a morning jog with Ken.

I reached there at 7.30am and he reached 30mins later than me. Well, both of us were determined to complete the 5km run and walk to the prata shop for a breakfast afternoon. But, along the way, we were lost and ended up covering 10 odds kilometres before reaching a human civilisation area.

Fun and sweat out session!

i'm afraid of Mr Distance and Ms Time, for both of them have one thing in common.. Drifting and Forgetting.

The loss of a friend flashed up my memory out of sudden, it was a teaching (a lesson that i paid alot alot) that made me realised that time might not be always on my side and mutual understanding might be misunderstood time also. Honesty is still the best policy, closet is the hardest friend to find out of all and sharing out makes my day bright.

Though, afterall, i lost friend, he is deep down alive in my heart, he is still living in my heart. The sweet memories that i had with him seems like yesterday. I really thank him for being there, thanked him for doing all funny nonsense with him throughout my primary school life, thanked him for sharing out our everything together and etc.... And what good use would it be if he isn't here to hear my sincere appreciation and heartfelt thanks? HOw i wish time can reversed and let me tell him all....

I should be happy for what i have done today, but i'm not very happy....

Happy, but something is missing somewhere...

i think i'm simply too friend-orientate, and that's why i don't feel high and proud even when i completed something great without sharing it around...

Somehow...

I should be very very happy today, but, deep down my heart, i'm not.

I know that i should neither ask more nor be picky and over-sensitive with issues.

My business company recognised my hardwork for the past few months and that's why they nominated me to be the host (MC) of the event last night, they even went all out to help me to further develop and strengthen my structure. Just based on all that, i should be happy about it. But, i'm not quite happy.

My internal good buddies (Kian Hong, Sumitra, Jun Yang, Aries and Chee Sing) took all effort to come down to give me moral support upon hearing that i have been assigned the task of MC for last night's event, for that, i should be appreciative and thankful for their moral support. Yup, indeed, i'm proud and happy to have them there to see me through the whole session. But, i'm still not overly happy yet.

So what is the lacking factor and what causes me to be so restless even though i managed to do quite well both in my business investment and hosting of the event? What causes me to not feel so happy that i've done not too bad a job in the hosting? Well, people who know me deep well, you might understand why....

I'm neither angry with him for not coming down nor disappointed. I'm not, really! I understand that he got to go for some committments and to see to his own stuff, i really understand. BUt, it is just a little sad that he wasn't there to see me through the whole hosting session. I'm not angry with him nor disappoint, really. It is really just me that is feeling very sad that he wasn't here to see my effort and hardwork, to see me through.

I know i shouldn't be so emotional (sound a little childish, i know), but, if the day you are on stage to present yourself or the day when you are being recognised for your hardwork or the day where you are successful, you would want your most closest brother to be there with you, to see your success, to share the joy with you and to laugh out with you. I'm not very sure whether you will, but for me, i definitely would want to have them all there to share the joy.

But because he got something on, i have no other choice but to still remain high and smile, "Don't worry, just go and do your stuff. Not a prob." As much i wanted him to be there, i have to be rational.

Like what i told Min, he is my closet, indeed, if one day i woke up and to realise that i lost him. My days would just end there on the spot, on the spot. There are many things that i actually wanted to do for him and with him, or just even to let him know, but because of stress factor would roll in, i just hold everything there.

Sounds dishonest, but i just don't want him to get too stress for anything given his own problems. And that's why i won't force anything out of him or to tell him anything that is stressing me so hard so hard until i know how to bring it up. I know i'm wrong to do this, but what are the options available for me to choose except to bring it across when my mind gets better of me.



Yesterday afternoon, we went around for a walk, sort of like window shopping. Before he boarded the bus to go off to attend his next appointment, he told me this," Thanks, take care le. See when free then come out again lor."

My mind nearly went blank, this speech sounds almost killed me on the spot, especially when both of us would land in different univerisity in just a month's time and definitely the time to chat on phone would be lesser (approaching negligible), let alone face to face talk... what if?

HOw i wish....

Actually, if everyday can be a happy day.. Life would be so kind

Fancy being sick and breathless, i hung around the library the whole of this afternoon to venture out my search for the books that i wanted (bro, you should know what i'm looking for actually). After 3hours of thorough search, i managed to find the book that i actually want (though the book did not fit the bill totally, it was near to prefection).

Yup, actually, i was looking for some reading materials that are written based on people's experience, and behind each story there would be a teaching value. Hard to find, my bro said. But, i really hope to find such books.

Procrastinator, so i was labelled by my bro when i was on the phone with him just now. I have no other choice but to agree. Hahaz.. Yup, so what happen was i managed to settle down the piles and piles of letters that were attention to me only today, and one of the letter actually dated 3rd April 06, which was about 3 months or more ago. There are so many things and schedule booking to do, and in fact, my schedule was filling fast, even till mid Dec, i have people telling me to block book this slot. (Now, you understand why i say i need to block book that day for you just to celebrate your birthday with you even it is 5 months away from now?)

Haiz.. Now i understand how come my seniors always mentioned that as you grow older you would have less time for yourself. I would agree, but what i'm afraid the most is i might have less time for brothers and friends too. Hate it if this is to happen.

Suddenly, i feel like organising a big outing for all people to East Coast Park one of the days, just to sit down and gather with the crowds, as a relaxation day. Yup, life has been too busy for me to actually sit down with each and every friend lately. There are still so many people that i have been missing lately, like Anthony, Joshua, Wayne, TY, BR, Mervyn, MJ, Dillion, Lao Da... and her. Haiz...

Yup...

Well, but the lucky thing i'm still able to meet up with KK, if i was to miss him too, haha, i guess i would need counselling..

Yup, funny thing happen today >> Deja Vu. I would say.

Hahaz...


I can lose everything including my life, but the last thing that anyone should take away from me would be bros & frens. Yup.. 24/7 is my promise, giving all my best is my affirmation. Everything is my agreement, till i'm to be called home by the lord!

If every day can be like this week...

People who know what i'm happy about this week or now would understand why i rather my time would stop or can continue like what i had this week from Monday till this afternoon.

This is my first few time having the feeling that i actually wanted. I really thanked you, bro!

Yup, this song is somehow the song for me right now. Oops, i mean the Green Day one hor..