Just some updates....

For the whole of this week, i have been busy with a lot of things and committments. Mid-term tests are coming, to be a little more precise, it is actually next week. Having 5 tests and as a good and determined student, of course, i have spent majority of the time this week for the preparations for the 'hell' week. But, time is still running short for me. I still have a long long way to go. Indeed, the incorporating of university studies into my life has made my schedule to be out of place seriously. Till now, i still find it hard to be absorbed into the environment in university.

The hectic revision have seriously made me too emotional and too busy to chat to others often, let alone spending time to do things of my liking. It seems that my life has been out of the equilibrium since Aug 14 this year.

Sighed...

Just blank

FOr your imagination....

Being misunderstood should be a natual process to me, by right. But it hurts me the me when one of the closest buddies snapped at it. What's wrong????

By dragging and forcing my way through, i have tried my very best to strike a balance in the all commitments, inclusing studies - the highest level of commitment. This has came to a point where i have seriously run out of time to really give myself a break. I guess this (by typing out this post) is one of the rarest time i can really let my mind off the huge piles of 'rubbish' that i have. There isn't much time left for me to do simple tasks like watching movies, a short run or even to sit down to have a heart-to-heart talk with people. What is wrong?

There are many issues taken for granted, and i know that there aren't anyone at fault due to this, perhaps i'm to blame for all such happenings. Yup, i guess human nature is just like that. If i have done something far over the line others have drawn for me, i'll be snapped at. I'm not asking for a 'pint' of understanding anymore. Instead, i guess i have owed a deep apology to many people around me.

No matter what happen, i really just yearn for an understanding, i don't need anyone to take pity on me. But, at least give me some moral support, some.

There are many many things that we might not be able to communicate out well, due to the minor differences in frequencies, due to each of us have deep commitments to pay attention on and etc. But, i believe no matter what, we can still give and take for each other's actions? We can still give each other the moral support and encouragment to press on?

Life is getting cruel, and i guess this is just the way it is meant to be shaped. Only the strongest will survive. No doubt this sentence has some credibility, but, i guess strongest will live only when he is with a team of well-rounders, who, together with him, strive together hand-in-hand to press on with this wonderful round of battle.

I guess this week, regardless of how positive i can be since incident 'Lucky 7' took place on monday, is not a good week afterall.

I'm messy, and i'm trying to settle down. When unwanted events happened, i'm trying my best to resolve that. If you can't feel it, i wouldn't mind. But, please don't add fuels to the fire, please. Put yourself in my shoes, when you are engulfed by my situation, i guess that you would really know how helpless i am feeling now. There is completely no one who can tell you what to do next. Tomorrow is a fear. And what people would normally do were trying to instil their thinking in you, instilling!

Prolong compelling of instillation, i would definitely lose my identities and diginity. I'm happy whe there is someone there to guide me along my way of searching the path, i would definitely heed the words of the wise. But, don't ask me why when unwanted events happened. If there is an answer, would i rather not know why too? Asking me the questions that i cannot answer would never bring an answer out from me, no matter how hard probing can be done...

Being bitten is indeed painful, of which i should get used to it. But, when this bite comes from someone you trust alot, i guess you will be as painful too.

Waiting...

The battle is just going to start and hopefully, bros and friends can understand my actions and move...

So after all the hassle and mess, the real battle will start in just 9 hours time. This time round, there should not be any holdbacks and changes. One breathe, one action and solely a simple mission - to succed and not to give up. That's a simple mission, and hopefully, it will be accomplished without fail.

Nevertheless, the way is rather long and daunting, i really hope that people will understand my intention and thoughts, my actions and my rational. I might not be there for some reasons, but, please know and remember one thing - My heart will be there. Trust me on this...

My mentor is right again - I cannot demand, i can only hope. I cannot just dream, i must do actions to it. There is something that pinned down my heart so deeply for the past few days that i nearly lost my state of consicousness. It was there for many days and nights. And my mentor is right, "Why not be honest and tell out everything. Perhaps both parties would be happy or maybe not. But what matter most is - at least you are honest and loyal."

Yup, i guess it is true. I have sent out the message and don't expect any replies..

So this have been settled, and i guess it is the time for me to start moving far ahead...
The train is moving finally!!

Urban Life: Emptiness is just so normal to most of us

The pace of today's lifestyle is, yet to reach it peak, getting faster and faster. There are simply so much to do with so little time. Hence, we often would neglect things of lest importance and things that are connected to heart and emotions. Those two apsects of life will take up alot of our time if we try to be bothered by them, so might as well exclude them out of the list. Well, heard of the phrase " out of sight, out of mind"? Sooner or later, we might lose the 'feelings'.

Someone out there today shared something special to me, "Humans are funny. We always try to emphasize on what we don't have instead of appreciating on what we have." I pondered out the phrase for quite some time and sort of agree with it.

As time pass and i'm older, the committements are getting more and more. Yet the time that i want for something else is getting lesser and lesser, just one fine day, it might approach and hit zero.

Life?
How do you see it?

A mentoring session

Finally, i got myself back on standing once again, hard and good. This time round, i will, no matter what, root myself firm and strongly anchored.

I guess though my train is departing the station soon, and think some people cannot never board my train, by destiny. And i shall dry up my tears from now on, life has to continue, my train got to start moving, before it is too late.

My mentor is completely right, i guess i really have to pick up my courage and tell the beholder of my train keys, to allow me to start my train.

The train is moving on, with great hopes and aspirations, with great dreams and many missions, with great thoughts and motivations.

Taking things for granted?

Did i do that? Did i overly-possessed something??

Any enlightenment?

Well, had a long day yesterday because it was ah Sing's birthday.. I have taken a lot of photographs for the celebration last night... Will posted them up after i'm done with my own direction stuff...







I think i have failed as a friend...
I don't deserve any sympathy at this moment..

It is not that i have nothing better to do, it is just that i'm a little disappointed with an issue that has just took place.

It is not that i don't understand, if not, least giving myself explanations of the actions done. I'm also trying to break away from this vicious cycle of assumptions and explanations. It is not that i want to stress anyone or anything, it is just that i really hope someone could see things in my angle, just one time! I'm not sure if i'm overly-demanding if i hope that someone could see my point of view once, i'm not saying that i hate to see things in other's point, but why, can someone, at least, see things in my angle? I can sympathise, i can lend my ears, i can help, i can give advices, i can cry with the problems you tell me, i can practically feel the way you felt at the point when you share with me the problems.

But, can you at least see things, at my position, for once. I only want that to happen once. Just once. If you forfeit my chance, then i guess i have nothing to say. I can easily be in someone's esle to feel the pain and joys. But, could you at least let me have the privilege to stay in my shoe to do what i really want.

I want to move on and fight, i want to carry on and enjoy, i hope you come along too, just like any other friends of mine, but why not? The strings are pulling apart and would snap if i continue to move one yet you stay back. I really need to chance, before it really snapped. If one day, when i really say:" It's too late to do anything to salvage the situation!" Then, it will be really too late to do anything.

I can give in alot, i can give in without questions, but once i reached the limits, i will stop, definitely without fail. I will, definitely. Life has to go on, even when someone stop at my path. I can stop by for a while to treat the injuries and ask you along. I can stop by to have a tea and listen to your problems, but, if after so many actions and invitation, you still want to stop there and be yourself, i guess, i have to leave you there. It is heartless, but, what can i do? I cannot stop for the sake of a person who, afterall, forfeit me the chance to be myself totally.

It is tiring to do hypothesis to the actions and decision, it is tough to do predictions, it is even harder for me to explain to myself over and over again whenever the actions are done. I cannot blame anyone for that, afterall. And, of course, i will NEVER blame anyone for that. But, at least give me a chance to say my piece and pour out what my heart got to say. I can be tactical, but, can you at least give me chance to be critical?

Forfeiting me again and again will not incur my wrath, that is a promise, but it will make me feel painful and give me yet another strong reason to stop 'ill-treating' myself ( i guess you would know what i mean..).

I will never blame anyone at all, but am i right to be a little of myself at times? Can i demand a time for my own views and honest comments? Can i have it?