Although this content comes from a source that sounds unrealistic at times... It is meaningful..

The life of being a undergraduate is, indeed and true enough, tough and confusing. There are still, not many though, some loopholes and confusions within me. Uncertainties set its path in this period of time, without fail. Yup, no matter what, i'm still glad that i have picked the field of study that interest me the most, at least, when the path gets tough, i know that my interest is still there to help me through that period of the time.


I chanced upon the following phrases after a close friend shared his frustration with me this afternoon, when i was dragging my feet home (I'm seriously exhausted this afternoon that my mind refused to process the information injected). The source of these phrases might, at times, sound unrealistic, i agree with the phrases totally this time round...

When you think that your life is an end and there is nothing you can do about it, i guess, most probably, you have taken something for granted - relationship, that is. There are times when we, humans, take various relationships for granted, and missed the good and small wonderful joys of life that these relationship will give. Also, we will not see the magic and the miracles of these relationships. A mother, of whom has a son (in his mid-twenties currently) who met with an accident recently and was paralysed from then on, was diagnosed to have cancers. At times, her son wanted to give up living because of his misery and pains, his mum begged him not to. She told him this,"When you are born, it is a true fact that i'm your mother, a fact that cannot be change forever. If you meet with an accident, i, your mum, no matter how tough it will be, will try my best to mak sure you survive." It was due to her determination i this relationship, her cancer did not get worsen at all, instead, she was recovering slowly.

So how many of us actually do take HR (human relationship) for granted? After hearing that story, i was completely stunned by it. It sounds complicated at first, but slowly after that, i got the ideas behind it. So have you got yours?

By pushing against the wall, you are doing something useless out of something great. By having walls around you and yet choose to seal of the last free space you have, you are courting for doom. So why are you still trying to do that when you know this aspect of life is hard to be mould off? Floating is good (esp for lazy people like me; need not to walk), but till when?

If you choose to give up in shaping your own destiny, you got to give up in me first...

1 chance, 1 choice, 1 concern

Yup, the three C's that i might want to have only... I guess as times goes by, i would lesser and lesser time to really sit down and ponder over deep and important issues...


If you think life is all about moulding and doing what you want and dream of, well, you might be just half correct, or should i say, half wrong.

Homo sapiens are inter-related, co-exist together. You cannot just do things that will be beneficial to you, neither can you just simply detached yourself from the community and be a lone ranger..

THoughts are just running all round the places and i simply have no energy to keep them in check...

So it is a long long way to go

After the 2 hectics and tiring weeks,i'm pondering over the decision made earlier. So the news about me taking 7 modules this semster, has actually (without fail), became the talk of the town. I have been approached by some good friends and buddies of mine, some showing deep concern about my ability to coop with the busy schedule that i would have, bear in mind that i still have 3 committments outside, on the other hand,there is a small group of friends sneering at my idea of taking 7 modules. Well, i'm not here to say that i'm capable nor to comment that i'm clever, because the actual fact is i'm neither.

The decision of trying out this attempt might be hasty, but, without regrets. Yes, i do agree that by doing so, i would be more stressful and busy. Yup, i know. I'm not seeking for common concensus within the crowds, neither i ask for permission to do that, what i hope is that there is a moral support given to me, encouragement and some breathing space of my own.

The words may be what you feel, the mouth might belongs to you in any way, but, in any reasons, it should not be used on me in any point in time. You might think that i'm trying to be a smart alec, you may also think that i'm trying to do something out of stupidity here, so be it, i'm not here to do any explanation, neither am i here to seek your permission or agreement. If you understand me and the trust instilled is still there,give some breathing space, give me some time to settle all the mess that have been thrown to me. I didn't want those mess, i didn't want to claim them, it is, afterall, mess that no one would actually want.

Just some breathing space and encouragement, that's all i asked for. There is no point comparing who is at the worst situation, such comparison will never ever end, neither will it differentiate the winner out of the rounds of comparison. Let me be myself for a while, let me settle down all the four committments that i have, give me some time to settle, free out some breathing space for me, give me some support. If it is really hard for you to do that, at least don't send in nasty comments. I'm a human afterall, i'm made of flesh, water and blood. I have feelings too.

A rubber band when being stretched would lose its elasticity, because no matter what, for you might have a thicker or longer one, the elasticity coefficent is always a constant, that is. If you try to over-stretch or give in external strong force, then i'm sory to say, the rubber band will just snapped and be left as a useless an unwanted polymeric material. I believe humans, at times of hectic and messy situations, would also tends to behav like a rubber band. Needless to say, when everyone of us is in trouble, you would like some time of your own to settle down, with all the supports of your closet, buddies and friends. Yup, i guess that was what i initially asked for. :)

Yup, there is still a long way to go and i seriously hope that i'm not alone there. I'm not asking you to be like me, maximise yourself fully till you drop, i'm just hoping that you will give me the 2 keys in friendship and 1 key in my life - understanding, support. Are these too much to ask for? :)

Hopfully one day, i will be able to get the understanding i pinned for.

So?

------

Sometimes, i'm afraid that i might transform to a new breed of old self, mutated from the origin. Sometimes, i'm afraid that the true me will be eaten up by stress. Sometimes, i'm afraid that i overdo some issues for people. Sometimes, i'm worried that i might invade privacy. So who can understand how i feel actually? Haha, hard, i guess. Why? I don't even know what i'm thinking, so how would it be possible for others to know what i feel?

Plans? Enlightment? Truth? Guider?

So i went into a depression moments ago, now i'm on my way to the fountain again.

I had a long and fruitful chat with my mentor yesterday evening, immediately after my lessons. From the conversation with her, it brought me light and strength to carry on with life. NOw that i got the fire in me again, i guess it would time that i start out afresh again.

From many days last week, i'm really feeling very very down and it's rather hard for me to convey out the feelings to brothers and friends. There were simply so many things that were going that were beyond my comprehension. I must admit one thing - I'm a slow adapter to changes. So, if there are too many changes happening at one time, i will really freak out.

Now that, most of the clouds are clear and the sun has finally shine its rays of light on me, i guess it's time for me to pick myself up from the fall and start my journey to the fountain again.


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So i finally managed to have a day of my own to sit back at one coffeehouse for the whole afternoon, after the morning hectic life at University, to watch some fellow countrymates playing tennis. (I guess most people would be able to guess out the place ba) Yup, though i'n quite guilty of not doing anything at all for the day, it really gave me a chance to have a breather from all the happenings last week.

Yup, running was still a cool thing for me, though my stamina wasn't as good as before. But, still manage to perform on expectations.

A great sweat out day and great relaxing day indeed.

Am i correct??

Actually, i'm really not very sure if i'm doing the correct thing this time round or not. There are simply too many things for me to take into considerations that i fear that i might disappoint someone for something that i have decided. Then again, i fear that i might hurt someone for not doing the things that i have been expected to do.

If being about is all about doing things you like, then i guess being unhappy is the best option when times get harder and tougher.

So, can anyone understand what i'm trying to point out here??
Can anyone see the things in my angle, even for a single slightest moment?
Can anyone teach me what i should do next?

Man of mask! Hahaz... Am i like that now?
Indifferent personnel! Do i behave this way now?
Irrationality! Is it the way to escape from hard blowing stuffs?
Stupidity! Does this arise because of all commitments?
Dreams! Is it still there?


Sighed... A brand new land!

If and only If

If........

I looked lost, stunned and confused?

Hmmm...
IS it?

A day that really makes my day so well so well

Come so far till now, today is actually one day whereby I'm so grateful that i did not let go of my hand months ago, whereby i know and thank the god for bestowing me someone special in life, whereby the belief that i hold closely to my heart came true and really true in front of me, whereby i have no other words to describe except - blessful!!

This moment, yes.

When the dreams and prayers that you mumbled every night, when the efforts and beliefs that you hold dearly to, when everything you hope with all your life just come true, how would you feel? Well, that is what i'm feeling right now. Hahaz...

Yup, dreams do really come true, miracle does really happen. Do believe in it.. I had my dreams coming true since last week till now....

When all your prayers and dreams really come true

When all your dreams and prayers all come true, how would you feel?

Well, that was how i felt last week after so many unexpected, unbelieveable incidents happening. The feeling is so shiok so shiok.

I really thank each and everyone who have really made my dreams come true. Yup, and most importantly, i really thank my bro for making my next 4 years of life to be an exiciting and thrilling one. Thank you, bro.

Hmm... time is running short and short nowadays. 24hours isn't enough le..
haiz...