The number 7 post

(To Yun, Sang, Min, Xiang, Cai Tian, Willy and Chris): Thanks for your concern, but somehow this 'sucky' feeling will stick around with me for at least a week or so. Yup, i know i can be stubborn and stupid at times, but, i really cannot control this 'swing' as of now.

Like what i told yun this afternoon at Sakae, heart is the root of all my course of actions. And now, because of 'heart', i can't help but to be sad about it. (sound very stupid, i think this is the second time i appear this way, hopefully after this experience, i can be stronger than before.)

Like what Cai Tian mention at msn a moment ago, yup, the word 'goodbye' in chinese is actually trying to indicate that seperation is actually not a bad thing, cos after a seperation, there will be a re-meet up.(thanks, i do understand what you mean) BUt, somehow, this gonna to take me quite some time to stnad up again.

Somehow, i really hate tomorrow. Why must it come?
After two days to sea-viewing and encouragements by many friends, i'm trying to regain back from the fall and saddness. But, it really gonna to take time.

Like what i told yun this afternoon.. (I know i should do this also, but give me time, really!)
I dun really expect to be of great importance in your heart, that's really too much of me to ask of. What i hope is that at the end of the day when someone mention my name, you can be proud to say that you know me.
I'm just like a train and friends are the passengers. They can choose to stay in there and i will try my best to make you happy with the journey. Much that i want to keep all friends on board, but if anyone happens to leave and choose to exit out of my life, i can only give me my most sincere and heartfelt blessing.

Yet...

How i wish tomorrow never comes

I really wish that tomorrow will never comes and that the time would literally stop as of last Friday. This is getting a little stupid and irrational, i know, but, let me be for these few days.

This is dreadful and painful, yet nothing could be done.
I think the background song i have placed up here is just nice and appropriate to describe the feeling in me.

Sigh... I think it will be another sleepless night tonight again.

Finally, i manage to suppress the 'swing'

After twenty-four hours of fights and suppression, i manage to control the stupid emotional swing that i had yesterday. Though the feeling is still there, it is not as strong as of yesterday. Mun Sang is correct - life is so funny one, there are always some people entering your 'train' while someone exiting the 'train'. No choice, but to get used to this boarding and alighting moments. (Thanks for your advice, bro).


So what did i do today?
I went to Orchard (Coffee Bean), Queensway Shoppoing Centre, Liquid Kitchen and Lower Seletar Reservoir Park from late morning till late afternoon - to hunt for clothings and bags. After which, manage to meet up with Edmund, Sumi, Kian, Sing, Min and Xiang for a short dinner session. (Like what i always say - crowds matter the most, not the activity).

Hopefully, i don't get the feeling when monday comes. All my routines would have to change over soon; cannot sms ah ken ken for lunch anymore, cannot say 'Good Morning, xiao peng you!' anymore, cannot disturb ah ken from his sleep and force him to drink a bottle full of water anymore le (water is essential for body, must drink leh!!).
Haiz.. all routines have to change..

I'm feeling so terrible so sad now

Yup, to be honest, i cried out just now (sounds stupid and foolish).

So here it goes:
Just had a wonderful week together with ah ken(you know who you are):
Monday - we went to Chomp Chomp Food Centre for our dinner and Liquid Kitchen for an introductory drinking session.
Tuesday -we went out to watch Pink Pather and curbs our crave for chicken rice.
Wednesday - we went to Sembawang Shopping Centre and settled our dinner at the Thai Food Restuarant.
Thursday - Stay in and had cup noodles together lor and watched the Swan Pagent Contest.
Friday - (Last day) We have our dinner at Chong Pang Nasi Lemak and from there on had a very sad and painful parting.
So i'm going to miss ah ken so badly when i'm posted over to the new work site. For i'm going to miss him when i have my lunch (cos no one is there to be lame and play with me). For i'm going to miss him when i booked in (he would be quite relieved cos no one would forced him to drink half a bottle full of water to make sure that his sore throat doesn't get any worse). For i'm going to miss him when i'm angry or sad (cos no one to listen to my complaints and grumbles). For i'm going to miss him when i have the crave to go play tennis (cos no one to jio out and play with).

Can you see? I'm feeling so terrible now...

I thank you so much so much

(I'm not sure if you will be able to take a look at this particular post, but somehow this is dedicated to you , my dear fren!)

Somehow i only got to know you last January when both of us got posted in the current office, though we were in the same training way in August 04. From then on, i really don't know how we clicked, but i managed to get along with you very well (i thank god for that).

Now that it is the time for me to go, though not because of the end of service term. I think it is time for me to do something for you, at least.

First and foremost, i thank you for sparing half an nour each day to eat lunch with me, putting up with my nonsens talk everyday, those daily little conversation we have, pttuing up with my grumbling whenever i see you.

Next, i thank you for lending your listening ear whenever i'm sad, asking out for tennis games and movies (Yup Chicken Little, King Kong, Tom Yam Gong..).

Furthermore, i thank you for asking me out for those wonderful shopping trips and for accepting me as a very close buddy of yours. Thank you so much so much.

Now that i'm going off, i seriously do not know when we are going to meet each together again. I really thank you for being there, always.

Thank you so much!!
Really...

If

Somehow or rather, i actually don't look forward to this coming week. My heart acutally aches so badly for the past two days. My mood reaches the lowest point of the rock bottom once again.
So this is it...

Can't you see that good things always tend to end fast?

I enjoyed the whole of today. You may ask why? Well, i managed to went out with Ken Ken once again.

After the cohesion bowling we had have today, both of us went for shopping from Plaza Singapura to Takashimaya, from Baleano to Sportsworld, from Swensen @ PS to Coffee Bean @ Takashimaya, from noontime to 6.30pm. Well though this is not the first time we are out for shopping, the crowd is the deciding factor if the trip is fun. So the trip was fun because the crowd was entertaining. Yup, fun and i actually looking forward to more of such trips. (Thanks, my dear Ken Ken!!)

Yup, life is still so busy and workloads keeps on piling....
Time keeps on ticking and sadness is moving in, nearer and yet nearer...
So this friday is the farewell dinner for me.. Saddness moves in nearer and yet nearer.
I'm going berserk soon...

Miracles are there, if you believe it

Just too busy with my own things that at times when people ask me out for a simple lunch or dinner, i just cannot help but to decline the kind invitations. Felt so sad and guilty when such issues happened. Haiz...

Cannot help but to look forward to April 06.

Yup, grumbling again..

So just let me pen down my thoughts for today, i think i need a let-out.. Not many people(each has thier own committements) are free at such hours to come out with me to la-teh and relax at the coffeeshop (i tried that just now at the prata shop... so boring to sit alone and watch people walking up and down the alley).

So there is a new theory that i managed to carve out today after talking to so many friends, buddies and brothers...

So responsibilites is directly proportional to age.
As we grow older and older, all those naive and simple thinking have gone with the wind, to a place of no return. What's smash down on us hard are all those realistic matters that left us with no choice but to swallow them hard and accept them, or should i say being force to be the situation / circumstances.

If you were to ask me what i missed for the past 20years.. I would say - My school life.
Well, those were the times where we have no worries (apart from being aprehensive about results) and fun times no end. I still remember the times where i had fun in my CCA - Chinese Orchestra, my very last perfomance for the charity donations for SARS, the times where we prepared for examinations, the times where we had fun in lecture halls (doing paper chats, or eating chocolates and popcorns behind), the troubles of thinking whether to have Laksa or Western Food for that day, the times where we would sweat out as a whole team and etc.
So times and tides wait for no man, it is just more than truth.
Now that i'm as if being thrown out of my protection layers. People gets colder as i i get older, committements seems to be like age (keep on increasing without fail). Things aren't the way i thought it would be, nothing goes smoothly in my way. The ideas of holding my breath and believe that miracles would happen seems like a fairytale, the words of wisdom and strong baisc values seems to have lost faith.
Though life is kind, it somehow took away manyof my things and caught me unpreapred for anything at all. So it's like that...
So what are we looking forward to in life actually? I seriously (at the back of my brain) know that there are still things to smile about... But, how long will the smile last? Hahaz...
So what's next?

Haiz.. i know i grumble alot (i don't take good things for granted, if you should know what i mean).. I'm still very grateful to all the things that crossed my path, for at least i learn a new lesson (so when a knowledge is gain, nothing is lost actually!). Yup...

Haiz.. I'm tired again (too old to talk non-stop). Suddenly, i have the urge to play mahjong or going for a slow walk... The night is cooling and the air is refreshing, maybe i should go for a walk instead...

Smile!! So i said..
Cos it bring courage to the discouraged...
Drives worries away from the troubled...
Spice up life
and bring the world closer!!

Do smile... A smile a day would somehow brighten up your day..
YOu might find this rubbish, but it would not kill you putting the smile on your face.
Come on, smile!! :)

Yup, finally got the time of my own to do this

Just had a nice chat with my new buddy, well, sort of happy that at least he did not forget who the fish i am. Yup, now trying to pray hard for him, for he will be taking his results pretty soon. I really hope that he will do very well for it, though i may end up losing contact him with for he might end up doing his degree in Australia - Pyschology. (May end up sad for a few days again. But never mind!)

Well, something strange happens today. And i'm not sure if the way i react is rightful way or not..
On my way to haircut just now, i bumped into this mid-forties man. He looked rather sickly and wore a sad expression. (Yes, he did mentioned that he was suffering from depression, well that is a common symptom that many fellow singaporeans had lately. If i'm not wrong, the population of people suffering from that increases over the months.) He was trying to sell off a second-hand hand vaccum cleaner (which looks useful to people who have cars) because his daughter was celebrating her birthday tomorrow (yes, he got retrenched recently and did not manage to find a job after that) and that he has no cash at hand, thus he needs to raise some cash desperately. Heartless, i declined buying the vaccum cleaner (my mum will kill me if i buy that back!), i provided him the reason for not buying (partly due to me being cash-strapped too!). Instead, i gave him 5bucks (i know it is not alot, but that was what i can do within my means) and gave him some word of comfort and blessing for his daugther. He put on a smile after that. Well, for the plight he was in, i really feel very sad for him. It seems that many people are in the sorry plight as him lately. My buddy's friend is also in the same plight as him (though not in terms of family problem, but soome sort like that). She did not manage to make it to the Uni after her A levels (which is a waste if you are in A levels, cos the cert of A levels will bring you no where in this stiff and meritocratic society). So, she went entered the working society after all. So what's her problem? She brings home a monthly income of less than S$1000 dollars every month given that she has to work 8 to 7 every day, inclusive of saturdays. What can that money do? I think it is really just enouh to pay bills, tansports and meals. Nothing more than that.

I seems to fall into the period of uncertainty again.. Will I be like them in the future? Will I?

Sometimes, life seems like a demon, though for me now is still angel. It is kind to me, for at least, i met a lot of buddies that i can really count on, whom will brighten up my days in my period of darknees and saddness, whom trust me and confides in me, whom accept me as who i am. Well, it is still kind to me after all. So this is it. I'm actually quite contented with what i have and who i have now.. (For now, let my show my deepest gratitudes to the people who are out there whom i can count on.. Thanks, bros and buddies. Smile!!)

I believe that there are alot of things happening lately that i wasn't aware of, perhaps it will be the time for me to look around and check it out... Yup, i think i'll stop here...
But before that, here an interesting question to ponder about>>>

what will the last thing you wanna to do if tomorrow is your last day?