My new blog

Well, spent some time to see how da to change my blog.. Haha.. did some amendment and changes. Finally, it is done!!!

Today is just another day for me..

Alarm clock rang early in the morning 8am. Just another day. I thought.

Washed myself, dressed up nicely, worn my shoes and of course not forgetting the socks, took a quick glance at the clock. 9am, well, still early for me.

Headed straight to the Bowling centre, met up with my old buddy! (As in i knew him since the start of my army civilisation)

Started playing, (well, starts to love bowling, maybe it will be my new hobby and pastime) three games we played, average score was 120. Still okay, i thought.

12pm, bidded goodbye. Haiz.. Going for my lesson again. Why did i sign up for lesson? Well, don't know...

Then, everything ended before 4pm. And it ended my day for today!

Haiz.. Maybe i should go for more bowling practise...

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Well, i saw this on the net.. So, it should be interesting.. Do read, but....

A Sad Story ...True story ... Very sad de ..


A police officer had a beautiful daughter, who fell in love with a boy who was an ordinary poor person. When the girl's father came to know about their love, he did not like it at all, and so began to protest about it.

Now it happened that the two lovers left their homes for a happy future. The girl's father started searching for the two lovers but they could not find them. At last, he accepted their love and asked them to come back in the newspaper. Her father wrote that if both of u comes back, I will marry u with the guy u love, I accepted that u loved each other truly. So in this way their love won and the age old attitude of the tribe took a beating.

The couple went to the city to shop for the wedding happily. The guy was wearing a white traditional dress, and was crossing the road when a car knocked him down and unfortunately he died on the spot.

From that day onwards, the girl lost her senses. After a long time she recovered and accepted that her love has died.

One night, her mother had a dream in which she saw a fairy. That fairy asked her mother to wash the blood stains of the guy from her daughter's clothes as soon as possible. But her mother ignored the dream.

The next night, her father saw the same dream, he ignored it too.

The following night, the girl had the same dream. She woke up and told her mother about the dream. Her mother asked her to wash the blood stains away from the clothes. She washed the clothes but some stains remained.

The next night, she had the same dream again. She washed the clothes again but the stains still remained.

For the following few days, she had the same dream again and again and this time round the fairy gave her the last warning to wash the blood stains away, else something terrible would happen. This time round the girl tried her best to wash the stains until the clothes were tore, but the stains still remained.


In the evening on same day when she was alone, someone knocked on the door, when she opened the door she saw the fairy at the door. She got very frightened and fainted. The fairy woke her up ... , and gave her an object, That awe- struck girl asked "What is this .. ? The fairy replied, "Try the NEW Dynamo Liquid Soap ... juz a dap & it will remove all stubborn stain".

I know what all of u are feeling now ... But don't look at me ya ..I saw this one the web, so thought it was funny.. I did laugh at this 'True' Story after reading it. Thus hopefully it will make u laugh too .. even for a sec will make my time worth it to post this story le .. =) *HaHaha*

Enjoyed today again.

Well, this afternoon went for bowling competition with my dear XIAO PENG YOU >> BR.

Haha, both of us were nearly blackilisted there, reason being too a throw face..
Had four games and yet play so lousy.. I guess i should have more practice then..

Overall >> Enjoyed the day!!

Today is not my day? Or whatsoever..

Well, i don't understand on thing >>> In the rigid organissation , the bonded people think that they are always right and always push the blames to the 2years 'forced workers'. So what can the 'forced workers' do??

Thanks the Magic Potion

It's the 17th day that i have broken up with her. Although my heart is still aching and 'bleeding', well, life still have to go on.

I don't know why but i still feel a little sad and regret, disappointment and lost. Maybe because of her sudden act and breakage. Sudden lost of a good pillar and good diary - a diary that would often help me in many many aspects of life, be it socialising, music, studies, career working or even emotional chaos..

Don't worry or even be sad for me, treat this as a learning chapter and a passage to a more mature me, well, life still goes on, is it??

To Grace: Thanks for all the happy times we had during movies, grazing of stars, shopping, sports gaming, theatre appreciation, pub socialising and even dancing. L enjoyed doing such things with you.. Though i really cannot be your diary, your cabinet or even your teddy bear fo you to hug.. Well, life goes on... All the best to you and your new guy. Forever blessing!

To me: Haha, grow old la.. Dun think of her liao.. Gone liao lor.. Still think, think till Xmas is it??

Meetings

Now, it seems to be a routine to meet up friends on each weekend, have an intimate chat with them..

Haha, i love it this way, and i hope to preserve this way till i've better sense of direction..

My 1 year, 3 months and 14 days with her.

December 2003>>
Ga: " Thanks Aunt Peggy, for letting me to work in your Florist." As usual, i carry on working in my aunt's florist. 8 to 5, 600bucks/mth. Better than nothing. I thought.
For so many days i worked, i can't held but to notice this girl who is in the same shop as me. She's Grace, same age as me. Standing at 1.71cm, with long hair and nice, outstanding features. She looks like model, a candidate for Ms Singapore Universe.

For days, i have taked to her. She shares the same interest as me and we chatted very well with each other.

27Dec03>>
Ga:" Grace, can i ask you something?"
Gr:" Carry on."
Ga:" Ever since i started talking to you, i feel comfortable and happy. Whenever, you bid goodbye to me, my heart will always fly away. If i can't get to see you, my body seems to lose his soul and my mind will go blank. I don't care how you would to thik of me or how i have protrayed myself in front of you. I don't care if you have the same feeling as me now, i just want to tell you this >> I love you, I hope to be with you, be your diary, be your lifeguard, be the one you have by your side when you gaze at the stars, be the one who lend you a shoulder for your tears when you are sad, be the one who is inside your heart. It is okay for you not to have the same feeling as me. Just let me be the way it is now. I don't mind, don't care about me. I won't do anything. This is what i got to say.." (Wanting to leave the florist immediately.) Why did i say out such stupid things? Oh no.. What i got to do now? I thought. Face turning red.
Gr:" But what if i say >> I have the feeling you have too?"
I paused a moment, jaws dropped open. Mind went blank. " You sure?" Still cannot believe what i hear..
Gr:" Yes, Ti amo!!"
Ga:" Grace.."
(This may sound a little like drama, but this is true....)

As that succeed, we went on as BGR, erm.. Underground kind.
Whenever i'm free, i'll call her, msg her. Vice versa happen too..
This went on till June 4 2004.

4 Jun 04 >>
Gr:" Let's break up!"
Ga:" ?"
Gr:" Break up, don't be lovers. Can?"
Ga:" Why?"
And she hung up the phone. Can't reach her phone, she's not at home. I'm at a lost. Why? Why break up? Did i do something wrong for her to be so angry? Did i do anything stupid again? Why break up? For what? My mind run wild at that time..

20 Jun 04 >>
LE:" Talk to her, don't let her break up this wonderful and lovely thing."
Ga:" Erm..."

21 Jun 04 >>
Gr:" I'm sorry!"
Ga:" For?"
Gr:" Throwing temper at you.."
I went up to her, hug her tight and kiss her lightly on her face and said:" Silly girl, i did not hold against you. I'm ok. Don't worry. Don't be so polite to me, don't break up with me. If you really want to, at least tell me the reasons? Please! Even a criminal has a chance to go for trials."
Gr:" I'm going to US to study next week. Ticket has been booked. I'm sorry.!"
Nearly fainted, still manage to hold tight on, wiht teeth grinning against each other, " You are going to US for studies?"
Gr:" I'm sorry. I know this would be hurting, that's why i wanna to break up with you that tie. But you simply refused. I knwo you have a lot of sms in, letters and even emails. I have seen them, i'm very sad to leave you too. BUt, i really wish to have my degree in US."
Ga:" Erm.." Paused a moment, " Well, you can tell me. I will support your decision. Really, we can continue our relationship, no need to break up so serious. Really."
Gr:" But, you will be suffering, i'm not around for months, years..."
Ga:" I don't mind, i will wait for you! Really.. Trust me.. Don't break up!"
Gr:" But.."
Ga:" No more buts.."

With that rough conversation that i ahve rememebered, i supported her. For months, i was alone watching the stars..

November 2004 >>
Gr:" Please don't disturb me now can?"
Ga:" Ok."
I hung up the phone.

December 2004 >>
For a whole month, she din't call me or sms me.
Gr:" Please let me break off can? I'm tired. I really wish to concentrate on my studies can??"
Ga:" Since you say it, i will respect your decision."

Janunary 2005 >>
I'm down for the whole month, i missed her alot....

March 2005 >>
We patched back (Shown in earlier blogs)

10 April 2005 >>
We broke off and this time round, there would not be any chances of re-patch sign...

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For that, since i can write it down, it will only mean that that will be history forever..

Finally

After 14days of struggling and 365days of confusions, i have finally found my momentum (According to the principle of conservation of momentum if there is external forces acting on a system of interacting bodies, then the total momentum will be conserved).

For this, i may have to thanks a few people (Well, actually two la).

(1) JT.
For always there for the past two saturdays, hearing my nuisances and tolerating my craziness. Wel, i guess, if he wasn't there. Maybe i won't be here as in able to kick on with life..

(2) Her.
For the break-up and kind explanations. Well, as least i got to knw what is wrong between the both of us.. And of course, to let it go so happily.


Haha...

Why am i here?

How i wish if i pack my problems into a package and send them far far away..

Why must there be problems and troubles in life??
Can't i be a happy-go-lucky person?
Just why can't there is no issue about $$$?

If there is freedom, yet i don't end up in the street, how nice it would be..

If i could give up career-mind and head for passion work, how wonderful would it be...


Haiz...

Happened to see the photograph of him

When i did some simple area-cleaning for my room just now, a photo album happened to drop out of my cabinet. The album looked so old and has faded in colour.

Curious about what was kept inside, i started flipping open the album (wrong move).
I saw many photographs of me and him.

Tears started to rolled down uncontrollably, out of a sudden i seemed to be thrown back to year 1992......

It was the first of school, well, my first day in Primary School. Like many typical parents, my mother insisted on sending me to school. On the way there, i was nervous. What is schooling? Is it fun? Are the people there nice to be with? I thought.

School bell rang, time for me to go in. I saw many people of my age started crying and running around. Fire? Or saw ghosts? I wondered.

I saw this boy sitting at one corner of the classroom very quietly as if the rest of the people are not present. I approached him..

"Hi, my name is Ga(to protect m privacy and his too). What about you?"
" Call me RD."
"Well, nice to meet you!"

From then on, we became good friends, we shared what we have, studied together, sometimes stayed together and do everything together (everything you can think of). This carried on for the whole of my primary school life.

Due to the difference in PSLE scores, we were posted into different schools, but our friendship was not an end. We still come out often, talked and do everything together from time to time.

We were said to be the best of the best friends. But, good time don't last long..

After we have known each other for a decade, accident happened...

(to protect hm, i'll avoid it)

+++++++++++++++++++
+++++++++++++++++++

Well, it is a pity that i lost him, thanks to the fate. But, it's ok, it's over for more than four years. The deepest regret i ever have, if any, was not expressing thansk in our friendship to him or even to tell him how important this friendship is to me. Till now, even i want to say out loud, i doubt he can ever hear it.


And because of this painful lesson, which i will remember forever, i have learnt to express out all my thoughts. Simple words like " Thank you for our friendship.", "It's so nice to be with you." or " Hope to have more gatherings with you." are to be said out, believing that others would feel it is completely useless to me now...

To all brothers, buddies, sisters, good friends and friends out there whom know who am i:
Thanks for the wonderful times you all gave me, i really treasure our friendship more than anything. Let me have the time to show my gratitudes. Thank you!

Blurred Vision, use magnifying glasses...

Well, sometimes it really makes me wonder if NSF is equivalent to cleaner?

Haiz.. Spreading salt on my wound le..

Well, still got people ask me about me and her current status..
I guess i have to tattoo on my forehead to avoid the repetition of such incidents..

Well, just too bad, i can't keep her anymore, so let her go.
Maybe because i'm not suitable to be a lover hor..
Maybe because i'm not good-looking enough for her..
Maybe because i'm not talented...
Maybe because i'm not attentive to her..

Haiz.. whatever the case...
It's a game over for me liao...


Haha...

Well, oh well..

Ring ring...
Ring ring...

Ga: " Hello dear, so glad to receive your call on a sunday evening. Well, i suppose that your side is early morning? So how's life for the past 7days?"

Gr: " Hm... I called in to talk about a serious issue. You free to spare me 10 to 15 minutes?"

Ga:" Even you want the whole night."

Gr:" I have thought about it very thoroughly. Let me ask you - How do you feel about this relationship? Honestly!"

Ga:" Well, initially very hard to accept the fact that you are not around by my side from time to time. No one to be out with for movies on Sat evening, no one to hug when i'm sad or wanted to cry. But, as time pass, get very used it. and..

Gr:" Me too. I felt a little uneasy and uncomfortable not haing ou around beside me. But, as time pass by, i'm so used to it.. To me, our relationship have like not having it le."

Ga:" Not having it?"

Gr:" Sorry, but, i have really think this through for the past two weeks. I have think of what is wrong, i think i have once again been pulled by this heavy committment and i am very tired out by this heavy load."

Ga:" then?"

Gr:" I wish to let it go. For months, for days, for years or even forever."

Ga:" Forever?"

Gr:" Sorry, to hurt you once again."

Ga:" BUt.."

Gr:" I know what you want to say. PLease don't say anymore."

Ga:" But why now?"

Gr:" Because my feeling for you went cold as time pass.."

Ga:" Oh well,since you say like this. I can't say anything. All the best to you then. Feel free to call me when you need help."

Salt on wound = very pain

Well, although i have strongly indicated that i have let go of her totally and without any pain... My heart says otherwise..


I hate myself for what i am in now..
I hate the far distance between me and her..
I hate the strees given to her..
I hate April 10 2005.

I cannot believe that i did those

It was time, so i stepped out of my house nd headed straight to take a train to Yishun MRT Station.

Once i reached the station, i took a quick glance at the clock. Hm.. It is still early - I thought. So i went to Northpoint to meet my buddy to pass him the money he needed. Out a blue moon, D called and i was shocked that i was late for the gathereing. With that, i ended the chat with my buddy and dashed back to Yishun MRT station control station to look for D and J.

3.15pm, i was not that lastest. The three of us sat one cornere and merely update each other of the recent happenings.

3.30pm, S finally appeared and we went up the Plaform Level to take train in town.

While on the train, we kept on thinking where to go. (We planned beforehand but didn't work in reality)

Finslly, we decided to watch movie so we alighted at PS.

Well, upon reaching the Cinema, minds went blank again. Which movie to watch??

Forget about, we went off and decided to go Chinatown so we went down and exit the Shopping Centre..

So sad, it was raining so we decided to call off the trip to chiantown. Well, suddenly we thought of eating steamboat. Ok, headed there.

We spent three hours on steamboat itself and after that, went bowling.

11pm, hey let's go to Esplande - S said. So we headed there. On the way, D said he couldn't take it, so he went home while the rest of us went there.

2am, thristy. We went to Coffeebean at Clarke Quay and ordered Tiramisu, Chicargo Cheese Cake and chocolate of a thousand leaves, well along with Ice mocha Latte, Iced Cappiccuno, Iced blend Mocha le creme.

3am, we were drove off due to closing so we headed to somewhere near Merlion to talk out and voice out our views on many things..

4.30am, hungry. We walked to Rocher Road to eat Bean Curd and Soay Bean Milk. Past along of street - Middle Road, Queen Road, Sophia Road, North Bridge Road, Canal Road, Waterloo Street, BEncolen Street, Bras Basah Road and finally Rocher Road.

5.30am, Jaws dropped. Shop yet to open. We headed to MRT station to catch the first train.

5.35am, nearly fainted. First train 6.31am. So j and S decided to take a nap at a corner. Well, i walked up and down for the time and let my mind reflected on things.

6.24am, woke S up and went to take train. ON the way did nothing.

6.53am, bidded them and went home and sleep.

3.30pm, haha, i woke up and wrote this.

Well, i enjoyed it alot as i managed to accomplished alot of my aims and tasks.


If they happened to see this:" Thanks for the accompany and friendship. Hope there would be more gatherings."

I enjoyed it, i dun know what about them..

IN the morning as usual i went back camp to 'work' and do all the usual routine work - shredding, filing, typing... (too tired to talk about it).

About 12pm, well, i knock off from work.. Headed to Changi Area for my Athletics Meet (1'm running 4 x 100m). On the way, chatted with friends, talk alot of rubbish and create alot of of jokes around and i think blaclisted once again (well, that's me, can't help it).

It's time for my event le, oh no, i'm sweating like hell..
(Long hound) I started running..
(story ended here, i don't wish to continue this, very embarassing one)

Well, time for me to head back, again. i create jokes in the tonner again.. I think blacklisted like no body's business (*sad sad)

I knock off my my work at about 7pm, i headed straight to newton mrt station (to venture out my social life) to meet D, J, HJ and my best buddy ever WS. Well, D was early, HJ was 15mins late, WS was 45mins late and the best of the best -- J was 1hr late.

We headed to Newton Food Centre ordered $32 of seafood, $6 of Carrot cakes, $6 of Indian Rojak, $7.50 of drinks $25 of satay and chicken wings. Well, spent an hour or so to finsih them (well too much for 5 ppl). Chatted alot and talk about how girls can change heart so easily.. I agree, WS agree and D also agree..

After that, it is about eleven we headed to Clarke Quay for a drink or two, ordered two jars of drinks (well you will regret if you were to do that too) drank and talked about life once again.. ime to foot the bill - wow $90 bucks...

Well, it was about 12.14am, all of us cannot take it, we headed for home.. Well, WS missed his train so he walked away to look for NR3. Haha, because of CHIO BU, he walked for an hour before he found a bus home. On his way home, both of us chatted over the phone and talked alot of personal issues that i have never talked about to anyone before..

By the time he reach home and we hung up, well it;'s about 2am in the morning.


Well, i always never regret going out with them cos we always out for something new all the time we meet.. I enjoyed alot. I don't know know how about them..

well, it's 4am now, time for me to sleep ( i a little drowzy)

World is rather beautiful

Well, it is the 4th day from the incident, and well, not too bad. I still can control well.. At least, no one spotted any differences..

Life does not only have sadness, let your dreams turn about instead of your path.
When shoes ae worn out, change a new pair.
When feeling sad, just dry up your tears.
1 heart, 1 path, you never be able to finsh it in your lifetime..

it is the end!

Well, after so much struggling and so much happenings. Everything comes to an end.
I don't seriously understand one thing.. Why do people change their affections for things like changing a clothes? Especially comes to committment, why do human beings(women) change and change so fast?

Haiz...

So much so for all the hardship and emotional struggles.. So much so for all the times and mental health being spent.. So much so.. So much so...

Fun and joy, should i say

Today is tiring but, it is sort enjoying. I managed to keep up wiht three groups of old friends.. Hoping to achieve more soon.. Well, aafter so much things happening to me and so much tortures i have underwent for the past two months.. Everything finally comes to a stop. To me, i think relationship is the most important thing in life. Not money, not houses, not power, not achievement, but relationship. We have been told and being forced to repeat such phrases - Money buys anything, more power means more things we can possessed. Well, can't say it is wrong, but it is not totally right either..


Well, today went out with a group of three friends to watch movie. Well, i enjoy the movie well, but, i enjoy the company of friends more than the movie. Have a little fun and get a little blacklisted all around the shop, but so?

Haha..

No title

Ever since people told me to let go the relationship i longed and possessed for more than one year, my brain starts to stop working. Where are all the logical thinking? Where are all the emotional teachings? I truly don't know. It seems to me that the road has once again turn dark..

Well, please let me be the way it is now. Let me still be trapped in the so-called fruitless and meaningless relationship. Let me be the way it should be...

Time for a change

Time for a change, so they say. But, till now i don't know what my heart got to say for this issue. Well, ifit is onlyone person who raise this issue up, maybe i won't get that fustrated. But, now it is like half of my group of friendsmraising this issue in front of me, so i don't know what to do about it.

Well, like what i like to say, let heart flow and tell you what to do in the issue of love because the heart is the one controlling your committment, care and compassion. Well, till my heart say nothing at all. Wait or give up? I don't know.

Even i give up, so what? It is impossible for me to find a new one, impossible (though i know that this sentence is extreme, GP taught us not to do this, but it is true for me). No other girl would understand me the way she does, no girl will do things things she does for me, no other girl will accept my way of doing things except her. These are what i been telling myself. But, seems to be very useless now and then.

What they say maybe very true - She is not around with me now, nobody knows what would probably happen next. They even scolded me for not doing what i preached. Well, what can i say now when my heart say nothing at all.

So, what should i do?

Helplessly thinking? I don't know? Change and hope for better? How to?

1st day of me

Well, can't imagine that today hs ended so fast, without much of me noticing it.

Coming in here to write something daily seems to be a standard routine for me daily. Can't refrain from doing this..

Today, she called in and said HELLO to me. Did she sense my loneliness and deep thoughts for her?

Haha.. Maybe!